The Illusion of “Steps” – The Traps of Postponing Your Desire

The idea that your desire must manifest through a series of steps is an illusion. Your desire can manifest immediately, skipping every “step” you think it may require.

You can go from not talking to someone to being in a relationship with them. You could go from not knowing someone to being close friends in what seems like an instant. You could be homeless and manifest wealth. Anything you believe is possible will be.

However, life often makes many believe they need to go through stages before their desire can manifest. These stages are “steps” others have perceived as necessary in their own lives, passing those limiting ideas on to their offspring, friends, collaborates or any individuals asking for their advice.

You will begin to live your dream life once you accept that the Universe is limitless.

You’ve probably experienced the following.

  • Someone you know struggles to find employment. This person could have also been you. They send their CV out without result which in turn deteriorates their self-confidence. On the other hand, you’ve seen someone who sent out one application, a few at most, confident in getting what they want and, they did. This person could have been you.
  • Someone you know struggles to find a relationship. They might date or want a specific person but nothing is happening. Their frustration slowly takes over their desire. This could have been you. On the other hand, someone else seems to flow through relationships (or lives a relationship they love) effortlessly and as soon as they are single, usually by their own choosing, new potential partners seem to wait in line to be with them. This individual believes in their own high value. This could have been you.
  • Someone you know (or yourself) continuously struggles with money. These struggles never end, even during times of employment. No matter how much money this individual may earn, they fear losing it and almost feel as if the world tries to rob them of it. Another individual, or you, comes into and enjoys money easily. They earn competitive fees. They receive gifts. They travel as often as they want. They own beautiful clothes. They often donate money to charity and give gifts themselves. They enjoy money and see an abundance of it.

The second group of individuals in the examples above doesn’t feel the need to postpone their desire in any way. Their energy causes rapid manifestation because they effortlessly work in accordance with the Universe that wants to give us our desires now!

One perceives or even prefers to go through steps if they feel the need to earn their desire, showing they don’t feel worthy of it just yet. This is also a trait of individuals who want their desire to manifest at a specific point in the future – after college, after they lose weight or after they get their dream job/desired salary. “Steps” are nothing but an indicator one doesn’t feel worthy of their desire just yet, or believe they can manifest it.

Have you ever tried to visualize your desire and it just didn’t work? You couldn’t see yourself having it. After asking yourself whether or not you truly wanted it, you concluded that you did. Then, you either had a choice of repeating your visualization until it felt natural to you or diving into your fears, preventing yourself from manifesting the said desire.

You might be unemployed today but have a job you love soon. You might be earning next to nothing today, receiving a large amount of money shortly. You might be single today but could be in a relationship in just a few days. Just because someone told you you have to work hard for anything you want doesn’t make it true. Only if you accept and agree with this idea will you find it to be true, continuing to see those who believed in their own value manifesting rapidly.

You are enough. You are good enough to live your desire now, let alone after you start to feel even better about yourself.


  1. Dear Nina,

    I love this article! Not only straight to the point but also very encouraging. πŸ™‚

    The past few days I tried to figure what is my resistance and was aware the problem about my subconscious mind. So I started to read some articles which reminded that how crucial the conscious and subconscious mind need to be aligned and one needs to reprogram the subconscious mind.

    In order to reprogram our subconscious mind effectively, most of the articles suggests to reaffirm or visualize our desire repeatedly. It will be better to do so in a meditated state (so-called theta state) when will be before we sleep at night or get off the bed in the morning. Some even recommend using alpha brain wave music while we’re doing these.

    As you’ve know that I have a wedding visualization. I created my own special playlist which is able to evoke the feeling of my happy relationship with the specific man. The playlist starts with some peaceful and soft Jazz (I send heart energy to him during the period), then the music turns to some loving and positive POP songs (I visualize my beautiful wedding including the dinner and dancing with him and the guests. I also send heart energy to our ideal relationship). In the end, I will send those happy moments to the Universe and surrender.

    Did you see the contradiction here? My visualization is not in the exact β€œmeditated state of mind” since the music are nothing to do with any mediation or healing music. On the contrary, sometime I feel happy and excited during and after the visualization. So I wonder:

    1.Was my visualization effective? Or it was only a daydream?!!!
    2.If my visualization was okay, should I reprogram my subconscious mind by following the suggestion mentioned above too?

    Sorry for the long writing (pls forgive my English πŸ˜‰ ) and thank you for your time!!


    1. Dear Fiona,
      Thank you so much πŸ™‚ I think you’re doing very well and while visualizing and being happy, keeping your vibration high, continue feeling gratitude for your relationship and be confident that you are attracting it instead of worrying about the ways in which your negative thoughts might come up. It all comes down to the basic rules of creation – if you believe you can do it, you can. If you are sure you’re doing well and your relationship is yours, it is. If you expect your negative thoughts to evoke fear in you, they will, lowering your vibration in turn. Be happy and be sure that your relationship is yours.


  2. Dear Nina,

    I’ve ever read that some other articles of LoA talk about a concept of β€œInfluence”.

    One of them said β€œ….The choice of your thoughts is yours. It is your greatest power and your only free will. It affects everyone and everything in your life. You cannot stop influencing others or creating experience, but you can chose what you will create and how you will influence others. When you think “he/she doesn’t love me” you create that! So chose “he/she is crazy about me”! Both are influence. You cannot “not influence”. Just chose what makes you happy. Of course you do not influence others’ life outside of you. Your influence works only in relationship with you. For example, you cannot influence others to do something that has no link with you. And others can’t influence you, they can’t make you do something that has no connection with them….”

    Unlike many people still talk to their ex after breakup, my case is that my ex and I have absolutely no contact for 7 months (except I sent him a postcard from Paris in Sep.) So according to the article, does that mean I can still influence my ex if what I am influencing is his feeling towards me, a new bond between us, and that’s a link, connection with me and him, no matter we’re not in the relationship as the current reality right now, no matter how long we haven’t talked to each other, cause the current reality such as no phone call or no text is irrelevant to what I’m creating my ideal relationship with him?

    Hope my understanding is correct. πŸ™‚ Seems to me that the longer we don’t contact, the more strength I need to gain to support my faith! Thank you for your support and help for these period of time.



    1. You can still create your ideal reality with him. The only thing you need to think about is how you want your relationship to be. You CAN create whatever you want regardless of how long you haven’t spoken. If you think you can’t or that you first have to speak to him and then create what you want, you’re creating even more limiting beliefs around your relationship.
      You have to use visualization, be happy and know your relationship is yours. Keep repeating your visualizations until you believe your ideal relationship is yours and be HAPPY about it πŸ™‚
      You have to decide what you want to create and dare to trust that it is yours. And yes, you should know he’s crazy about you but stop looking for external proof. When your resolve and knowing that your relationship is yours are strong and you LOVE your relationship, you won’t even notice the current reality which will then change.
      Over the past month, several men from my past have contacted me out of nowhere and I hadn’t even spoken to some of them in a year or two. However, I have become even happier over the past month for several reasons and they picked up on that raise in my vibration. None of them live in the city I’m currently staying in. Physical distance or present circumstances change on a daily basis.


  3. Hi Nina,

    I was just reading this question and it helped me to identify an area of my resistance. So, I’m one of the many readers of your blog trying to manifest a relationship with a specific person.

    One area that I’ve always felt unsure about is some of our values where family is concerned. He is definitely a family person, but much more independent than I am. He is the type of person that will pretty much follow his career and pick up and leave whenever he needs to. In fact he’s been away from his family for over 25 years, although they do visit each other from time to time. While I often wonder and play around with the idea of moving to a new city for growth, I would consider it for some time , but I really value being close to my family ( in the same general area) as my parents and brother. Right now, my guy lives clear across the country, and I’m definitely open to living somewhere else temporarily, but in the long run would like to settle down with my family (future husband & kids) near their area.

    My question is, if I can manifest my relationship and the feelings I seek from my specific person, can I also manifest that he also values spending a lot of time with my family, and would like to either live near them, or have a situation where we spend a lot of time with my family? Is it possible to manifest that even though it doesn’t really relate to his feelings towards me specifically?

    Thank you,


    1. It is possible – when you start to see specific characteristics in another person, they end up being so. This is why we all have a different impression of many people we know from others who know them. See what I mean?
      Imagine that he loves going with you to visit your family and loves doing so because he LOVES YOU and it gives him great pleasure to do what makes you happy. He knows it’s important to you and he loves you so it makes him happy to do this with you. He always has a great time, you can also add that. At the same time, you can feel good about giving him the same, doing something that makes him happy in life and he wants you to participate in.


      1. Thank you Nina for your amazing responses always. It was funny, after writing you this question, I fell asleep and was dreaming with the girl he has been dating as far as I know. In my dream, he realized that we found out about each other, but he immediately went to her and was more concerned with her.

        Does this mean that this is my belief? That I believe that he cares about her more and will place her first?


      2. I think it just means that you still fear this might be true, that he might care about her. When you believe you two are together just as you want it, that fear will go away.


  4. Hi Nina,

    Here I would love to hear your advice with regards my three questions:

    1.First, it’s about my choice – Is my specific man the one that my ego likes, or the one that my heart desires?

    Do you still remember my situation? My specific man vanished without communication. Although his behavior has ever haunted me, confused me, when I thought about all his goodness, sweetness and many qualities I admire, those major impression are still in my mind and heart. There’s one time I was very sick. At that time there’re two other men who lived in the same country as me pursued me, but he was the one who was very worry about me. Despite we don’t live in the same country, he woke up in the middle of the night and texted me to make sure I ate something. So back to the question I ask myself. I believe he is the one that my heart desires and I choose to believe in him as well. Please forgive me that this question seems not about LOA, but I do like to hear your opinion about my choice.

    2.Everyday before I visualize, there’re resistance that I tend not to visualize. But when I visualize I feel fulfilled, peaceful, happy, and being in love. Isn’t it weird? Perhaps I have fear and am afraid to put myself being in love? Hope you would understand my feeling, what can I do to overcome?

    3.There’re articles telling people β€œAnytime when you get an urge to take action, remind yourself that you don’t have to do anything, source is dealing with it and you are allowing it to happen. The universe will bring to you evidence that your manifestation is on it’s way. Thoughts, notions, little co-incidences…” But recently I have a strong feeling to send him a birthday greeting card including some MP3 music for himself and his business (he’s ever mentioned he liked my collection.) If he doesn’t respond, I am okay. Am I trying to do anything to make thing happen? cause this seems not a so-called β€œinspired action.”

    Thank you so much πŸ™‚


    1. 1. You are the one who knows the answer to that question but if you’re wondering, it’s probably both right now. The texting situation you described is about LoA, everything is, so don’t worry. If you’re wondering, chances are that you love him AND want this relationship to happen because you believe you’re due for success after so long with him but only you know the real answer. Ask yourself these questions and see how you feel.

      2. You feel your negative and your positive thoughts holding similar power right now, so to speak. Next time they come to you, try and ignore those negative thoughts. It is our individual responsibility to keep our vibration high when manifesting so if you believe that you can ignore those negative thoughts while knowing they are meaningless, you will accomplish exactly that. Try ignoring them just today and see how light you feel. Also, don’t put pressure on your visualizing because that is what creates negative and slow energy around your visualizations – they’re meant to be FUN! πŸ˜€ Fun attracts rapidly.

      Now, I am gonna write an article about fun being a big part of my manifestations in life. I mentioned doing what I love when manifesting anything but will expand on it. Thank you for that, you’ve inspired me!

      Right now, you expect your visualizations to be tiring and your negative thoughts to appear every time. However, you have to decide that this relationship brings you happiness and it will be so. I suggest that you do the following – before you want to visualize, say an affirmation. Say, “Thank you that I’m his girlfriend and that we have the most amazing relationship. Thank you!” Then, let a visualization come spontaneously. Just enjoy it and you’ll feel that this is yours.

      3. It’s the energy behind your actions that matters. If you love or feel excited about taking an action, you simply do it and you KNOW it. Listen to the suggestions from the Universe. If you’re not sure about this one now, see how you feel later but calm down first and trust that you will receive the necessary guidance. You know what to do πŸ™‚ Be grateful for it! I believe in you πŸ™‚

      There was a time in my life I disliked relationship and for a few months, stayed away from ANY kind of relationship manifestations. I would think, “Oh NO, not that again, exhausting, boring, tiring and just heavy, I’m happier on my own.” However, I knew that I just felt negatively about relationships in general and needed to change that if I should ever want one again. When I faced my fears and negative thoughts, I realized they were no big deal and that anything can be improved. I reminded myself that relationships were HAPPY and that I just had to WANT to be with someone. If you want to be with him, you’ll work through your negative beliefs and won’t give up πŸ™‚

      Happy to help!


      1. Hi Nina,

        This is a problem that I think I feel in my manifestations, going to what you mentioned in your last paragraph, about feeling negatively about relationships. How did you face your fears?

        My fears include:
        -In a relationship you are completely exposed, and I feel that once someone gets to know me, they will see all of my imperfections, physical and emotional ( i have a keloid scar that I can hide under clothes, but obviously not in an intimate relationship).

        -I’m also afraid of losing a relationship. I feel and my past experience has been, that you love someone, and they eventually get bored and leave you for someone else, or because they want to pursue other things in life. That pain has been so debilitating, that I often think about it before I can even start to think of manifesting my relationship.

        Whenever I say to myself “thank you that I’m his girlfriend and that we have the most amazing relationship” I always feel doubt?

        How do you get rid of those feelings?

        Thank you,


      2. I always know that if I want my desire, I will beat every energetic block I have around it. Fears come to everyone but I let them play out in my mind because then, I see how false they are. Also, I know that any fear I have is false, I decide it is so. Sometimes, I let them play out a few times before they go away and I just observe my thoughts and reactions to them. When you just take a look at them like that, even if it’s just a few times, you see that there is no reason for them to happen or repeat.
        They basically dissolve into nothing after a little while. Some, I immediately ignore but I suggest you face them. This changes your awareness to something better.
        Fears have a direct link to self-love as well as the love for your desire. When you face your fears and see that they were fabricated by you, their very act of dissolving makes you see that you deserve, can and will have what you want instead. Our fears always have something to do with our comfort zone which our minds want to freeze so that we stay in it. Whatever your comfort zone is, your mind is used to it and therefore it offers thoughts in terms of staying in it. However, as your awareness improves to happier and confident, that comfort zone disappears.
        When it comes to your past relationships, did you really love them or did you just feel the need for them? There’s a difference. Did you feel truly good in any of those relationships? I don’t think you’re sure about that.
        Ask yourself – once things like waiting and negative thoughts are removed, do you still want to LIVE this relationship? Or, do you just want to see that you can get it back? Ask yourself what you truly believe about yourself.
        With me, it was like this – my general relationship resistance was fear of boredom. I also had not one but several breakups in which exes refused to leave me alone or tried to emotionally blackmail me after the breakup and I was completely put off for a while. I felt suffocated and thought I would solve the problem by only dating those I had deep feelings for. It had solved nothing. I had to remove the guilt from having broken up with guys who wanted to stay together and remind myself that relationships are a choice and I had the right to walk away if I wanted to. There are TWO people in a relationship and it was their responsibility just as much as it was mine. Then, after facing that, I realized my mind was imagining drama because that’s what I was used to. I was afraid of relationships killing my happiness and freedom but the thing I’d forgotten was that with the right person, all those fears go away. I was just fearing that I would be miserable and then, decided I would have a happy relationship instead. I started thinking what this relationship would be and realized I actually could be happy when truly loving the right man. I had to make a strong decision that from now on, things would be as I wanted them to and stick with it πŸ™‚
        When asking myself what I believed in, I realized that many of my fears had very little to do with my true awareness. They had to do with some stupid phases I was going through or some bad habit but they were empty, paranoid thoughts. Once you ask yourself what you believe and connect with yourself, you see how many of those empty fears lower your vibration over nothing πŸ™‚


      3. Also, don’t fall victim to your thoughts – we’re all responsible for keeping our vibration high. If you want to feel good about your relationship, you’ll get there.


  5. Yeah, the thing you said about “comfort zone’ is so true. The problem is that I’ve been in my comfort zone for a really long time now. I’ve had an on & off thing with the person I’m working on manifesting a relationship with for many years (about 9). Although, I have felt sad over the fact that the relationship hasn’t manifested, and I know that it’s what I want, I also feel scared and stressed about being in a relationship. Like, there is this conflicting side of me that actually enjoys being able to go home after a while and be my relaxed self. Not have to worry about looking beautiful or hiding my scar, and at the same time, I hate that I don’t feel comfortable enough with myself to be myself full time around a guy I love…

    Its so weird 😦


    1. Once you decide if you want it or not, it’ll all resolve itself. What if you were just dating again, without living together? Maybe you’d be happier with that?


      1. Honestly, I would rather we eventually live together. I think my comfort is due to the fact that I’m afraid to let people see the real me sometimes. I feel really self conscious about this scar I have as well. Its called a keloid scar so its really ugly, much more so than normal scars. These are reddish & thick and they keep growing beyond the limit of the original scar. It makes me feel embarassed to have anyone see it (i’m able to cover it with clothing).

        How does one really get past something like that? Also, although my guy is a very good person, he is superficial when it comes to looks. For example, he likes thinner girls, etc. How does one get over that as well?


  6. Dear Nina,

    Thank you for giving me such sincere advices. Btw, I forgot to cheer for you that several men from your past have contacted you out of the blue. Sounds like a magic and fun! πŸ™‚

    When it comes to letting go but still knowing that the relationship is mine and feeling happy, especially I keep visualizing and sending him heart energy as a daily basis, I found that I still have attachment and it seems not exactly β€œletting go”. What suggestion you have?



    1. Thank you πŸ™‚ Next, I will manifest someone new but it is normal that once your vibration raises, others catch on, too.
      When you send heart energy, send it to him AND your relationship with him. Then, when you fill the idea of having it with heart energy, you will soon feel that you have it unconditionally.


      1. Hi Nina,

        How if… just how if the specific man texts me during the day time but I notice the texts later at night before I go to sleep (which means I haven’t texted him back)? What will you suggest me to do by also applying LOA? I will love to hear your advise!! Thank you…. πŸ™‚



      2. I’m assuming the text was positive so first, feel gratitude for it and then, let your positive emotions guide you in the way you WANT to reply. Write what you truly feel positive about. Reply in the way that makes you feel good and happy after allowing yourself to feel good about receiving the text for a minute or two. That way, you will respond out of love and detachment πŸ™‚


  7. So happy to receive your immediate reply πŸ™‚ Thank you!

    If his texts are only something friendly that you can’t tell or are not sure his intension, what should I do in order to keep my desired relationship manifesting and become a happy, loving and stable relationship? Just keep doing and feeling whatever I am having in my life? How should people react and do especially when the desire seems just starting to manifest?


    1. Just keep feeling gratitude that the relationship is yours and when it comes to specific actions, do what makes you HAPPY. When you truly know it’s yours, you never worry abt what to do and when but know it’s all good πŸ™‚


    2. When you start to manifest, the behaviors of others can change in mere moments. Sometimes, you’ll know because they change slowly but reflect how you feel about your desire, whether you have it or not πŸ™‚


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