Need or Have It?

Feeling that you need any desire you may have will lower your vibration. Remember that as a rule, warning you of what to avoid.

Obviously, you want to avoid lowering your own vibration yet it happens, usually as a result of falling into negative thoughts, missing something or someone.

Wanting something you are currently missing provides a problem for your mind. Noticing the absence of your desire can cause attachment – another form of need for your desire to manifest, making it impossible to arrive.

Needing leads to more of the same. Feeling confident in having your desire already leads to its manifestation.



Observe the difference between the following scenarios.

You have chosen a specific person. You wanted your mind blown and they live up to the task, making your head spin already. They are captivating, independent, joyous, smart and simply beautiful. They seem different, interesting, and they seem to love their life. Taken by these positive feelings you are experiencing, you’ve attracted various interactions with this person, from conversations to possibly even a date. Now, you want even more of their time since they seem to make life even better and because you deem them perfect, you are overthinking how to proceed. Any idea you have is followed by indecision, lack of self-confidence and your uncertainty that you can match their luminous quality. Your insecurity becomes obvious to them, causing them to distance themselves from you or place you in the friend zone. They still respect you but things aren’t moving in the direction you would prefer. You deem them too smart, gorgeous and interesting, thinking they might not see the same in you while in reality, you only reaffirm that you don’t see yourself as such. Or, you idealize them. You want their love as an overall validation, proving all the naysayers wrong and proving to yourself that you can do anything. You might think they’re as impressive as you want to be. You probably see them as beautiful as you want them to see you. Whichever of these possible scenarios you experience, you will ultimately become less and less interested in their true feelings and increasingly worried about why they don’t love you. Does that sound like real love and appreciation? Does it even sound like you are connecting with their true vibration? Do you really want to know them or just want them to fulfill your needs, especially those you have to fulfill? Because nobody can truly give you what you don’t feel within.

You think this person is too good to be true. You feel the need to be with them and end up disappointed. You failed to connect with the true essence of this person, idealizing them instead of truly wanting to know them. You thought they were too good to be true yet they are good enough just the way they are…and so are you. The only problem is, you weren’t ready to truly connect with them, probably fearing disappointment and your fantasy crushed. Yet that fantasy is not the same as a relationship.

On the other hand, how do you feel when you know that you can have anything, including the exact relationship you want? When you know, you feel amazing! You don’t feel the need for your specific relationship but only love that it’s a done deal, appeared already or will appear soon, however you perceive it in the moment. You think about it for as long as it makes you happy, moving onto something else when you feel like it. When negative thoughts and fears come up, you examine the reasons for them or ignore them because you know they’re false. However, if you choose to examine them, you do so because you want to be the person you admire which requires self-honesty. You want to know what your fears are telling you and face them so they would disappear. You feel good because your life is exciting, fulfilling and fun; you have other things to think about besides your relationship, just like your specific person does. You both love your lives and want to share them with each other. You know that what you want is yours. You are capable of relaxing and doing what makes you happy because it is the way to your desire. You feel great about yourself and cannot wait to share that with your specific person while enjoying them share their life with you in return. It’s very possible you don’t care what other people think of you. When enjoying life that much, you attract even more amazing things and people into it. They pay attention to you because happiness is attractive. Your vibration is high and you love it. Why would you ever lower it?

What happens after you absolutely know your desire belongs to you? This feeling is butterfly-inducing at first and is in itself spectacular.

I love spectacular manifestation stories – the spectacular part rests not only in the manifestation itself but also living with it every day. If you feel that your desire is spectacular simply because you would love to live it, so will be the story. The spectacular part lies in the sharing, giving, feeling and experiencing everyday life. If you don’t see the spectacular in what you do and who you want be with every day, you are missing the point.



After a while, you fail to understand why you ever had negative thoughts and wasted your time with them. As useful as they may be in uncovering limiting beliefs, it is time to say goodbye to (reacting to) them afterwards.

Facing and ridding yourself of negative thoughts works. However, their solving has to hold the purpose of replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones – you are resolving your negative thoughts in order to be able to only focus on the positive life you want to live.

If you only get rid of your negative thoughts but don’t form new, positive beliefs to take their place, what’s the point? In that case, you’re also focusing on what you don’t want instead of thinking about what you do want. Not knowing what you want to create leads to negative thoughts! You are not making a point of keeping focus on having your desire already if you see this process as exhausting or “work.” However, that shows your level of love and attachment to your desire.

If you are having a hard time imagining that you have your desire and loving the idea, do you really want it that much?

This is the crucial question you must ask yourself – do you think it’s possible for you to truly be happy with your specific person? Do you think they could be a great partner? Do you want to make them the happiest they’ve ever been?

Do you believe they can make you happy?

Manifesting a relationship should feel easy in order to manifest quickly and easily. In theory, imagining yourself with the person you want should only be filled with love. Feeling negatively about the person you want literally means contradicting laws of the Universe and is a reason you feel upset with yourself.

If you are upset with your specific person, you are upset with yourself over some scenario of not being good enough.

If upset about the past, you are upset with yourself for it – for blaming yourself when it happened, attracting it in the first place, tolerating it when you shouldn’t have or being too weak to leave when it was time.

And, you know it.

Now, you can forgive yourself for it; you know what to do and are starting over. You are happy. When manifesting a specific relationship, choose someone you want to make the the happiest they’ve ever been. Find them fascinating exactly for who they are. Know they are going to make an amazing partner. If you feel this way, you will be able to see yourself with them easily, removing the need for the relationship and manifesting it into your life.

The only part you really need to control is your belief. Then, maintaining your vibration will be easy.


  1. I felt like you were writing directly to me.
    After I read your response yesterday and you mentioned that maybe I didn’t love him anymore I had a look at the situation and something big changed.
    I would quote from the above post but it could possibly go on forever. I’ll just say that as soon as I again declared that this WAS what I wanted everything started to shift today and you are right, I started to question why I was having these negative thoughts / beliefs anymore or even at all.
    I’d call EFT nothing short of a miracle as I do now GENUINELY *believe* plus know I am worthy and deserving of it. I feel a lot more relaxed and find it a bit funny that I stressed out as much as I did. I knew what I wanted from the second He walked into the room, I was the one who created the problems with my beliefs about what I should look like. I already just assumed he wouldn’t be interested and manifested that. I don’t know how to describe the feeling but it was YOU, Nina made me fall in love with him all over again just today. I also don’t know how to describe this feeling but I now laugh at how long we’ve been apart for and that I created that also. I asked myself if I believed and if I was worthy and deserving and for the first time I felt a genuine YES response. Oh and the butterflies also. Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Gretta,
      Thank you so much 🙂 I am so happy to hear! You also see that none of this seems like a big deal once we realize our feelings create so we can just create something better after seeing why all those problems happened.
      Problems occur out of NEED but now, you feel love! 😀 Also, always feel beautiful! We are as beautiful as we feel.
      I directly consulted one of my closest friends the other day and a breakthrough very similar to yours happened in that case as well 🙂 I love this so much because helping anyone reach a breakthrough is such an amazing feeling! I am so thrilled for you! 😀 I love it xx


  2. Hi Nina!
    Just a quick question!
    Things have been going really well.
    From tomorrow my love is going away till the end of January (she is staying at mine tonight and I am taking her to the airport tomorrow)
    When she is back she is planning on staying with a friend and then in a couple months she will move into her new apartment.
    I am wanting her to stay with me for that buffer period and then move in with her in her new place.
    I know you are meant to act ‘as if’ which has worked for me. But this is something that is happening in the future. Do I act as if we are already living together or do I say we will be living together when shes back?
    I hope that makes sense. Do I feel as if we are already living together or will be soon?
    Thanks Nina, hope you’re well! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am doing amazingly, thank you so much for asking! 😀
      Acting as if brings the future into the present so I say, feel as if your living together then is a done deal now – decided and arranged. Then, you can feel what it’s going to be like when it all comes together very soon, since it’s arranged and is happening 😀


      1. Hi NIna.
        I have one more thing to ask and I think I will be ok.
        When you act as if, which in my case i want for us to marry and live in my house, do i act as if he has moved in? Do i walk around talking to him like he is there? Do i do all the things people would do as if they were married?
        I think my problem is that i dont remember what it is like to be with someone, its been a few years.
        If you were in the position of wanting to manifest what i wanted what would you do?
        Wake and imagine him there? but what else? Put plates out? Do i pretend we are going out also? I guess i am looking for what i should be doing when in my house and if i am acting like he is here i tend to think of him all the time. How does this classify as letting go.
        I guess what i am asking is HOW do i act like we are married? Could you give a a mini list of what you would do?
        Thanks xx


      2. The main point is to choose the actions, manifesting tools or props you like. Trying to do them all will put you in the awareness of “trying to manifest” instead of having your desire.
        I believe you don’t remember because you’ve gotten used to seeing relationships negatively or just missing from your life. However, using these manifestation tools will allow you to see what you want, what you’ve learned and what you could potentially do better in order to be happier. They will allow you to see how much you’ve changed and what exactly you want out of a relationship now.
        I can tell you a lot about using visualization here because with every relationship manifestation, I spontaneously came to wanting to use different ones. Sometimes, I would just visualize once and let go, only to have the relationship manifest very fast. Almost all of the times, I would pick out my outfits for our dates which to me is using props, so to speak. However, I love visualization so most of my choices in manifesting techniques were based on it.
        Definitely make your house feel as if you’re married right now. Make some room for his clothes in the closet. Have extra towels and toothbrush in the bathroom. Think about cooking his favorite meal. Dress for nights out the way you would for a date with him, that could be a fun one! Keep his favorite drink in the house. Think of where else you could make room for him – maybe you have a garage? Imagine visiting family together. Imagine what it feels like when you’re together and how you feel about each other, what your love feels like. Marriage is meant to be based on love so allow your thinking to come from it. Then, you’ll be able to remember how to be in a relationship fast – true love triggers all of the best things 🙂 You could even look at wedding dresses online, remembering your wedding 🙂 Most importantly, choose the things you like out of these or something else I haven’t mentioned. The point is to feel good while doing this 😀
        When you know your desire belongs to you already and know it is happening without being concerned about it, that is letting go. Feeling genuinely ready for it allows you to feel peace and means you’ve let go. Thinking about it happily, as if you’re living your desire, is also a sign you’ve let go. Being sure it’s yours fills you with peace and lets you think about him when it happens while thinking about other things when you want to. If you keep thinking about him but in the way that makes you feel bad, worrying or trying to “think right,” you have not let go. If you could say, “It’s mine,” mean it and go on living your life happily, allowing it to arrive, you have definitely let go to manifest.


  3. Hi Nina. Hope you’re well .
    I wrote you before about me manifesting my boyfriend back .
    I think everything goes smoothly it’s just around the corner . I’m not worried or doubt and I certainly don’t feel like anything might go in a wrong way . I’m actually quite happy with everything and feeling very peaceful about everything in my life (it’s not just me saying it to it’s just the way it is )
    For a last two three days he’s on my mind a lot . I don’t know why ? I feel like he’s trying to connect if you know what I mean . I randomly feel like texting him as if I was gonna help him reach out . I didn’t text or call so far ,if I did It would be something like “I feel you’re thinking of me here I am ” ,nothing else really comes to my mind It’s a very strange feeling . I honestly would associate it with anything negative or a belief problem in fact it’s the opposite . I like it .Somethings bound to happen ,I don’t know what or when .
    I think I felt that way before too .
    What do you think about ?


    1. It sounds great and that definitely happens. I receive heart energy from other people, for example, and when I do I always know from whom.
      If you believe it and allow it to happen/let go, the right way to make contact will suggest itself. Maybe he’ll reach out or maybe you will.


      1. I’m not trying to make contact to start with ,it really doesn’t matter to me who ,when or how . I don’t see him as being absent from my life so I can’t really miss him . I can’t even describe exactly what I’m talking about here I but I know one thing ,this feeling makes me feel powerful . Whatever I’m doing or wherever I’m I also get random visualization that he’s with me or us if I’m with a company .

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Fantastic! You feel that it’s yours! Congrats! I know what you mean about feeling powerful. I always felt confident about having my desires before they would appear 😀


  4. Hi Nina,
    How do I shift my negative mindset??
    It’s weird because I’ve had so much success recently. My room has lots of her stuff in it at the moment. (I even did some of her washing yesterday) her cars parked outside my house and I’m picking her up from the airport next week. But I still feel so negative about everything right now. I can’t shake it and I even feel like I’m trying too hard. Like resisting the resistance. Agghhh
    I even know things can change in an instant because I’ve done it before! But I just don’t believe right now 😦


    1. That’s only resistance and limiting beliefs. We all have them with different things in life but then, we get rid of them. You could do EFT tapping on those exact beliefs but you can always do that. In addition, you could self-train in the following way – every time a negative thought comes up, replace it with a complete opposite.
      Before doing any of that, remind yourself that we all attract everything we experience in life. You might feel that you can’t attract everything you want in this relationship but you can. Ask yourself why you don’t believe; if it’s only because it seems like it’s not working, that is also just attachment and resistance. It can all be removed. People get too caught up in the how in life but if you can let go of the “how” part, you can manifest everything you want and fast!
      You’ve mentioned several times that everything looks like the relationship is here yet you don’t believe it (not in those words but close). I think you only need to change that core belief. Ask yourself why you don’t feel like you can have it and practice believing that you can.


      1. Thanks again for your wonderful replies. I love your blog!
        I’ve realized that the reason I don’t believe is because she says this is the case. (That’s it! So simple, I have it all but because she keeps saying no I believe that to be the truth) will remove this belief and start sending lots of heart energy. Heart energy is amazing!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you so much for your wonderful words 🙂 Heart energy is amazing indeed, I’m assuming you’re finding it easy to practice and I’m happy about that 🙂


      3. 🙂 heart energy seems like the key!
        Today I’ve felt like when we first knew each other. Thinking about the fun adventures and imagining awesome scenarios. Feeling just love.
        I can’t wait to share my success which I know is coming!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hi Nina,

    I hope you are having a nice weekend. I want you to know how grateful I am for finding your blog last year. I honestly wish sometimes you were in the states so that I could hire you as my coach and I hope that life repays you for all of the help you have provided us here. I was looking back on my situation and reading some of your older posts and I know the issues I need to work on, and hoping I can.

    First is belief. With the manifestations I’ve seen recently I know that I believe he can come back. It’s happened so many times now and I manifested each occurrence. My challenge is believing that he will be in a committed relationship with me. I manifest him back but fall short there and he disappears or just doesn’t try to see me again for a while. I don’t know how to change this belief after our history.

    The second is the pedestal thing you’ve referred to, although I don’t think I feel he is better than me, because he is always complimentary of me and saying nice things. But, I think I feel I lack something for him that would make him want to commit, that extra thing that makes a guy want to make sure you are his and no one else’s. This is probably my belief that I need to work on as well.

    I’m trying to shake the sad feeling I have right now, because I’m disappointed he hasn’t reached out to me. I also know this feeling doesn’t help me, but it’s hard once you’ve felt it.


    1. Thank you so much 🙂 You’re wonderful.
      To work on the belief, tell me why you feel you are missing that special quality which would make you “it” for him. In my view, you are assuming what that quality should be in his eyes and assuming just tends to be a bad idea in life when it is related to trying to figure someone out. Most importantly, it fails – you attract what you are so evoking that feeling inside you will attract this circumstance into your life.


  6. In my heart I believe it’s a chemistry thing that people feel for each other and you either do or you don’t love someone and sometimes there is no one particular thing that someone can identify as why. For example, we’ve known each other many years, and he has always had a reason to never to commit to me, but he did commit to someone else (they are broken up since September) . I don’t think that woman was better than me, and I think he would acknowledge that I was either as good a person or better to him than the other woman and less selfish too, but somehow I didn’t inspire commitment in him.

    I also wonder why he hasn’t texted? We had a very nice weekend together and he’s single now, and spent a few days in a row with me so if he wanted to pursue anything….. Now would be the perfect time ?


    1. Hi C,
      I’m in pretty much the same situation.
      We spend great quality time together, weekends, etc. but we are just ‘friends’ for 3 years now…
      We spent a great intimate weekend together last weekend and I hardly heard from my love after.
      What I have decided to do is let it all go and not think of her.
      We will spend time together and then I will wonder why she hasn’t messaged or called, etc. that is focusing on the lack. I’d be wondering, playing it in my head and ‘trying’ to think positive.
      I’ve decided to live everyday and every moment and must be happy.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. There is never logical reasoning involved when it comes to relationships, that’s what I believe. There can’t be. It’s all about feelings and you create with feelings. So, create with yours 🙂 Feel that you have it instead of feeling that it’s missing.
      Remember how I told you that men tried to do some typically female things in relationships with me in the past? Well, once, one was in the same place in life as I was, we liked each other and wanted to be together. Easy, right? Well, not exactly because he was too clingy even though some of his moves were good ideas. But I also sensed fear and neediness, I couldn’t breathe at times. However, this is the crucial part – he was like that in general, even with his friends.
      Now, translate that to one’s personality being drawn out when they enter a relationship. One isn’t hurt by feeling inadequate due to cold treatment from their (potential) partner but from this relationship bringing out their already existing issues. He wasn’t upset with me for making him feel like he was suffocating me, he was mad at himself for feeling that he has to work so hard with everyone and for everything in his life.
      You’re not upset at him for not believing that you have that special quality but at yourself for feeling that you don’t have it. YOU feel that it’s missing and when you feel that you have it and feel complete without him, he will see you as “the one.” However, you first have to believe you’re it, without needing his approval. When you decide you’re it for him, he will, too. You must start paying attention to that, you said yourself you have to work on your belief. Only you can do that part.


      1. Thanks Nina. I have all the affirmations you’ve given me about being the one to make him happy. Do you have any others I could include and about the way I feel in this relationship too ….. ” I feel happy, secure, and confident?


      2. You can use that but also, use those affirmations for yourself and your life as well as your relationship 🙂 You bring yourself into the relationship which is why you have to feel good about yourself 🙂


      3. Thank you for all your responses Nina. What do you when your mind tries to negate your affirmations. Like you say “he is in love with me” and your mind goes “no, he’s not” and etc ?


  7. Yeah, I’ve fallen pretty badly the past day. It’s weird but it’s like I went back to the feeling I had before when he told me that he didn’t want to date me.

    Nina, I can’t express to you how weird this has been but I feel terrible and nothing I do seems to be helping. I try not to think of him and focus on myself and it hurts because I’m so worried bout what will happen now. It was like before we had seen each other, I had nothing to lose. But, now I know that he has seen me and that he’s single, and now I feel like I lost because he hasn’t really spoken to me since. I feel so worried and anxious now.

    I know you do not have a magic pill to make me feel better or to manifest for me without me doing the work, but I did buy one of Brandon’s audiobooks and in one of the q&a, he answered a question about a woman who was in love with a player. He told her that sometimes you cannot change a man and you’re better off giving up on him. This made me sad because it made me feel like I might not be able to change the way this guy feels about me.

    I don’t know what do anymore or how to feel better?


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