Trying to Control the Outcome, Simplified

For the past two days, a friend and I explored the reasons for their resistance in manifesting a specific desire. It got me thinking about the reasons for the resistance in many and especially, some of the blog readers according to the questions asked in the past days.

From the topics of core beliefs contradicting one’s desire to the lack of clarity for one’s manifestation and focusing on the current reality, I have realized all over again that I consider one specific aspect to be slowing many intentional manifestation practitioners down.

Even though many conclusions can be derived from any of these factors, the one I consider to be a burden for many is,

Trying to control the process of one’s desire manifesting, the outcome or the path of the manifestation, whatever you want to call it. 

If you want to manifest a relationship with a specific person yet are upset that they are not seeking you out, responding to your messages or showing up, if you are noticing them absent from your life, you are offering contradicting beliefs as well as trying to control the outcome. Instead of accepting things as they are, knowing you will get what you want, you are trying to force yourself to visualize or think that if they cared, they would have responded.

However, forceful visualization or trying to control the outcome by thinking how the other person should behave is only reaffirming the absence of your desire from your life.

Instead, only focus on your end result so that you would stop needing the contact, the responses or anything else. Feeling that you have your end result already with the help of visualization will fill your heart with happiness.


Some go from one day to another, waiting for their desire to manifest. Whether or not they realize it, this is another way of trying to control the outcome of their manifestation. Also, this type of focus on the process ensures one is more concerned with the imaginary steps of their manifestation, most likely to manifest isolated incidents of texts or running into someone instead of a love relationship with them.

The goal is to imagine one’s end result completely unconcerned with how it will manifest. This specific way of thinking shows trust in the Universe, allows for your energetic freedom and makes you happy!

One of my closest friends said that letting go was the hardest part and it goes hand in hand with the question of “how.” Imagining your end result and seeing if you’re truly happy about living it allows you to move in the direction of your desire.

Published by Nina Grdic

Life coach, writer, lifelong traveler, music lover and confidence/positivity/Law of Attraction expert.

56 thoughts on “Trying to Control the Outcome, Simplified

  1. “The goal is to imagine one’s end result completely unconcerned with how it will manifest.”

    Very true Nina…though sometimes easier said than done? I suppose that is where the processes, techniques etc come to aid in keeping our eyes on the ultimate goal. For me this is a day-to-day issue so that some days I do great and some days I do…not so great. And I know even with the great strides my desire seems to be taking in manifesting (e.g. where he called me the other day out of the blue and said everything I had desired to hear from him), I am still slowing down my end desire of a sweet delicious relationship with him by having those “not-so-great” days. It can get quite exhausting to be honest…and I must admit I sometimes berate myself when it seems I am unable to maintain that confidence that my desire is mine. In those times, I then do my best to get back to feeling good and confident and then I am back on track living my life and doing what makes me happy. But like I said….it can be exhausting, falling down every so often.
    But I KNOW I can do this and I know the end result is me and him in a delicious fulfilling relationship where we are both happier than we have ever been. I just need to believe and stay in that confident mood more and more often until it is natural and a foregone conclusion right?


    1. The focus on your positive thoughts while ignoring the negative because they are false anyway would ensure that you feel even better 🙂 You can do this! Then, you would reach your goal even easier and faster.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hi Nina,
        Now a days I am feeling super in terms of my desire. It looks like I am in process of letting it go.
        1. It doesn’t concern me where he is, what time it is for him to be at what place, I don’t even think of it.
        2. Whetehr he is messaging me or not, doesn’t concern me.
        3. I don’t lok at his whatsapp profile as much as I used to do ealrier. I did it once in 4 days. And when I looked at it, it didn’t make me feel bad.
        4. I am doing my visualizations to feel good and sometimes affirmations to change some of my limiting beliefs.

        But this is where I feel stuck… you said end result… and for me my end result is whe he calls me, and says he wants to meet, he meets and hugs me and exprsses how much he missed me. He expresses his love for me and become emotional etc. then we chat on whatsapp and some good stuff like we used to earlier..

        But it feels like I am visualizing “how” and that concerns me.

        I actually don’t knw what the end result should be in my case… weird .. I know. The fact is… our end result cannot be marriage. it cannot be walking hand in hand, strolling in amarket etc. Our relationship could only be a romantic relationship and a bonding of friends… we can chat, meet, talk call each other…

        So is it fine if I vsualize us talking to each other on phone chatting etc…


      2. Sure it is! Maybe the end result you want is a bond so then, you would be visualizing you two having that bond, him being a constant presence in your life?


  2. One of the best things I did for myself this week was to give up and admit defeat- admit all the things that were at the root of my resistance and accepting them as true and that no matter how hard I tried it was just the way it is. Acceptance is such a blessing ! When you accept what is and just admit defeat there’s nothing left to resist – I have accepted that I don’t know the future, that the universe knows the essence of my dearest wish and that my insecurities and fear were true because from the perspective I stand they are and I simply cannot get there from here.

    So, I gave up – nothing miraculous happened but it feels amazing to not be constantly trying to make something happen and that is where great things can – whether it comes in the package you foresee or not no longer matters.

    This guy is how I got there and I have to say not just kinda cute, he’s pretty amazing to listen to

    I think this is another way to explain letting go.


    1. Nina, thank you for this post. It is exactly what I feel and have been experiencing.

      Lyly, I am right there with you. I have felt the same way the last couple of days. Maybe admitting defeat is just what we need to finally let go. Not that admitting defeat is a bad thing. I am looking at it as a form of acceptance.

      On a different note, I have noticed that I can manifest unwanted things much easier and faster than what I want and really desire. Sometimes I have unwanted thoughts that come to fruition. Are they premonitions or do I just have the uncanny ability to quickly manifest unwanted things? If so, how the heck can I stop?! : )

      Any thoughts Nina and others?



      1. I think it boils down to this : you believe you can manifest unwanted things more easily – and so you do. You have no doubt, no resistance and absolute faith that unwanted things are easy to manifest – you’re basically doing exactly what Nina says 🙂 which is a good thing. Now if only you would believe the same about wanted things : you’d have to start a blog about it so people can learn from your experience 🙂


      2. You find it more believable that you CAN have what you don’t want in life than what you do want. This can stem from feeling that you generally never get what you want or didn’t in the past, or any other limiting belief. This is why you give no resistance to your unwanted thoughts and find them probable – at least in part, you are used to getting what you don’t want. You have to believe you can have your desires just as easily 🙂


    1. The core belief that has been formed here with years of the same situations repeating is that you are not enough for him to see you as his girlfriend while other women are. From your words, you like to always be on top of your game, look your best but even with that, you wonder why you feel like you’re not good enough for him and at the same time, you said he once dated a woman who was younger and seemed perfect but the thing is that YOU perceive her as such as perceive that as something you are missing.
      This comes down to the belief of not being good enough for him due to the qualities you can’t change which in turn ensures you stay in your comfort zone of thinking you won’t get your desire and sailing along with the way things are. You’re not too happy with it but at least it doesn’t require change and since another belief I see here is that you fear you might fail in manifesting your relationship with him (BECAUSE you feel that you’re not enough for him), you feel it safer to stay in this belief than allow yourself to believe you could actually manifest the relationship you want.
      Truth is, none of us are perfect. But we don’t have to be. We just have to accept ourselves fully so that we could accept another fully so it is time that you realize you are “perfect,” good enough, just as you are 🙂 We all are.
      Btw, when I use phrases such as “as we have said before,” it is only so that you connect the feeling to the idea and that you see how exactly it all comes down to the same principles. All those feelings one may have come down to the same basic principles, you know what I mean?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I know. The reason I was asking is because I was really thinking about my beliefs last night, since I’m considering trying the Lefkoe method, not sure if you’ve ever heard of it. Basically, I was able to trace this pattern all the way back to when i was 16, and I had just started dating a guy at school. Once I acknowledged that I really liked him, and would like to be in a committed relationship with him, he dumped me for a girl at another school that was very popular with guys, was rich, drove a nice car, etc. That definitely started my belief that I wasn’t good enough. Since then, the pattern existed in every single relationship I had. Where a guy would show interest, I would get to know and date the guy and the moment I realized I really liked the guy and got excited about being in a committed relationship, they would back off.

        There is only one relationship that didn’t follow that pattern, and it was because even though I felt I loved the guy, I knew he wasn’t the one for marriage, so I actually just enjoyed the relationship in the moment. But that also concerned me, because its like if I know I really want to see if a guy as marriage material, something about me, pushes them away at that moment. Same thing happened with this guy — he came on strong at the beginning (years ago) and i was trying to figure out how I felt about him. The reason I felt that I really liked him, and saw him as long term potential, all of a sudden he didn’t want a relationship, etc.


      2. I’ve heard of it. There are plenty of ways to clear limiting beliefs so if you like how it sounds, go for it!
        You probably became attached to your desire of a relationship as soon as you would realize it was what you wanted.


  3. I really do believe, we always get what we ask for. And even though we think right now nothing happens, I am very sure something will happen, one day. Looking back at my life I always did manifest what I really want, however I’m attached I was, I got it someday. Even the girl I thought after half a year, she would never take me, she did. After being rejected many times.
    There was one bar I always dreamt to go when I was younger in a country I later exchanged to, well I though people there are quite attractive haha. I think about 4 years later one of my co workers took me there, someone I never expect would go to this kind of bar and even though I didn’t feel like going to a bar that night and I was pretty tired, something in me told me, I should go. I didn’t know we were going to THAT bar until I was in front of it.
    This happened to me yesterday. I’m currently traveling alone, so I went up a hill with a nice view with a Gondola. I’m white and I am in an Asian country with not so many white people. So I got of the metro to walk to the gondola, and there was one white guy and one asian, and somehow I thought “you gonna get in the same gondola with them and you gonna have a nice day with them, thank you universe”. I just let go, and lost sight of them, so for a short moment I felt like, ah damn this isn’t working… But shortly after i got stuck at the ticket machine, and we started talking and ended up being on the same gondola, enjoying the view up the hill together and walking around. MANIFESTED 😀
    Also I manifested money, these days by people inviting me to eat in the exact amount I was visualizing.
    Pretty sure one day we all manifest what we wish for in some way. However it will come to us, this is not our business. Just believe and relax.
    Sorry I just felt like giving my input here 😀
    Hope that helps someone? 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your reply ha lifted my vibration higher.

      To me what usually hapens is : I look at someone’s name or picture and just think of them for even a second. They just contact me or call me. I lok at some name again and gain, and I know for sure they are going end up talking to me someday even if I don’t know anyne by that name. It just happens. Anther funny thing happens is suppose I am doing something and people are talking behind me or may be I am listening to some podcast and my mind is thinkg of something else, offtopic… their converation somehow turns the subject and starts talking about the topic I am thining of. may be they’ll just mention and then come back to their topic but they’ll go to my topic for sure. It freaks me out… but feels magical too.


      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow! I had a nudge this morning to check your blog for new entries and it was like I was supposed to read this today. I have been doing exactly this. Waiting around for texts from her, thinking is she cared she’d contact me, etc. A few weeks ago I did a little experiment where I asked the Universe for a surprise from her within 48 hours. I didn’t specify what it should be but only that it should appear within that time frame and that it should make me happy. Well, the next night she commented on a Facebook post of mine and it had been months since I had heard anything from her. So, it was completely out of the blue and my experiment worked. However, though it did make me happy, the excitement of that wore off pretty quick. And I realized two things:

    1) I manifested that type of contact from her because I was willing to suspend my resistance for that 48 hour period and to leave it completely in the hands of the Universe. A very important lesson there. It was giving myself a permission slip to not worry about it for just two days and it allowed the energy to flow and do its thing.

    2) I manifested a Facebook comment, but not what I really wanted, which is, as you say, the relationship. This is why, even though I had been doing pretty fine before, I went into a tailspin afterwards because I only manifested a brief moment of validation—instant gratification—which is empty, to say the least.

    So, yes, you are spot on. I’ve been much too tied to the process and the outcome, rather than focusing on what I really want. But, I did learn how easy it can be for me to let go of my resistance if I just apply myself. Very valuable lesson.

    I love your blog, BTW. Always look forward to reading it 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I wish I could just let go of the pain of the past, hurtful words and stop looking at what was. It is SO HARD. So badly, I want to imagine being in a loving relationship with my man but end up feeling sad so I haven’t been doing visualizations.

        Deep down, I know I am a good person and deserve happiness, but on the surface, I feel inadequate. I think part of the reason I am having such a hard time is that I am out of work currently and I don’t have a lot to keep my mind busy. I am home alone a lot and it makes me think of him.


      2. Don’t put pressure on it. You might just think the whole thing is bigger than it truly is. Never feel inadequate because you’re unemployed – we’ve all been unemployed at times. I think that when you find activities you like and have time for right now, you will feel better 🙂 Focus on your life instead of him and you will create happiness.


  5. Hi Nina i need some advise well a cousin of mine told me this morning that my ( EX) reached out to her and asked when her brothers birthday was i assume he forgot and wanted to wish him birthday wishes it is actually Sunday the 6th..anyways my cousin asked it it will be ok if She invites him my (MR. C we will call him) for my cousin bday celebration.. it has been 6 months since i have seen him and the last time we talked was new years eve when he text me Happy New Year.. I got so nervous i dont know what to do… i really want him there but i dont want him to think i am planning this out for him to be there.and i am afraid he will say no or i cant make it .. then i will be sad and wonder why ?? and think a bunch of senarios. or what if he does go and he is casual and feels nothing when he sees me. i am confused or do you think this could be a sign and way of GOD opening a door .. i dont know ?? what do you think i should do?? any advise would help 🙂


    1. I think it’s a great sign that he might be there and now, I suggest that you think it’ll be amazing if he were there but if not, you’ll see him soon. This very light and happy thought process/decision will help you relax and gain some confidence 🙂


  6. Nina. I made a new friend recently who wants to know one question. If you DON’T believe or act as if and give up entirely and move on and are open to meeting other people what is the possibility that your original request will still happen?


    1. Hi Gretta,

      Good question.

      “don’t believe” sounds to me like they ight have resistance. But if they don’t have resistance, and they are not bothered to believe it or not, and move on then it will manifest. Talking, writing, reading and feeling why they don’t believe will definitely slow it down.

      Nina – so eager to know what you think.


      Liked by 1 person

    2. Strong because that moving on can work as letting go. Sometimes, people have given up and let go fully only to see their desire manifest once their vibration was high again.
      Let’s say you think “Things aren’t working out with him” and a new guy comes along. You go out with him and are super happy, raising your vibration. Suddenly, the first guy is back.


      1. I asked again, she meant what if you don’t act like you have it and just move on letting go because the one she wants doesn’t seem interested but another 2 of them are.

        Could she still attract the one she wants by not acting as if and moving on?


  7. Hey nina..
    i love your blog.. and am awaiting your book… 🙂 my best wishes for you soul sis ❤
    This post is exactly for me ….
    I love your .. truly…. your care shows in the way you respond to your readers.. love n light ❤


  8. Nina,

    Your blog posts truly speak to me and have taught me a lot of things about letting go and complete trust in the Universe. Once I stopped obsessing about the process of manifestation and actually started living “as in” my dream life, things started to manifest quicker than I could ever imagine.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. What you ask for, you must receive and if you believe you’ll experience it, you do. Many times in life, one simply has a feeling that something specific will happen to them and then it does – you can do the same with specific desire, asking for it and receiving. Believing is all about trusting that what you would love to experience is indeed going to happen. Since we attract into our lives everything we experience, you can simply ask for something specific or decide you want it and then believe it is yours because you deserve it 🙂


      1. I’m really new to your blog.. As in I just ran across it yesterday. I’ve read a good bit of your post and the comments that follow. I’m just still confused on the how to DECIDE that it’s yours??


      2. Welcome 🙂 Basically, you say it to yourself and believe it’s going to happen, sticking with that belief until it happens but allowing it to come together at the same time. “Thoughts become things” is one of the basic principles of LoA, stating that what you believe to be true and what you believe you can have is what you will experience. However, the key is to imagine what you want to have, how you want your life to be and who you want to be while living your desires, if you will 🙂


      3. This is my story; my boyfriend Mb broke up with me lay January (2015).. Things go pretty rough a couple weeks prior, one night in particular we got into an argument and I said some very very very hurtful things to him. And no long after .. He left I utterly have made every mistake since then. At first when we broke up he said that he did still love me, and that he wanted the girl he fell in love with back. My emotions ran wild and I pushed and pushed, called and called and sen him so many text. Initially he did interact with me but little by little I pushed him further and further away. I was so afraid of him finding someone else.. And low and behold that is exactly what happened. Eventually he stopped talking to me all together. He blocked me on fb and blocked my phone number. ( I’m not going to lie, I was being the psycho ex girlfriend) I have not spoken to him or seen him since May 2015. I got really really depressed and quick. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. I am little by little starting to feel better, but I’m still not 100%. I love mb with all of my heart and I know that I am responsible for all that has taken place. I really really want to attract him back. I know I have a lot of learning to do and a lot of changes to make. Does it matter how long it has been? Does it matter that I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost a year? Does the other girl matter? ( sometimes when I get real aggravated at myself I talk to myself and say “he wants you, but you’re not being you” when he left one thing he said was “I want the girl I fell in love with back, and when you’re her, I’ll be there) ..but that was before I ruined it all by making all of the mistakes I made. I really want another chance with him, I want to show him how much I really do love him, and build a life with him.
        Sometimes I think the universe isn’t allowing a circumstance to happen to where I would see him. I feel like before I completely pushed him totally away, I can see where the universe was orchestrating things for my benefit.. But because I never picked up on it and I kept making the mistakes that universe isn’t interested in helping me now! I know I believe he is the one for me.. I believe that. But how do I believe 100% that things are working out and him and I will be together again.

        We split up one time before and i pushed him away just like this time… And I knew that I knew he would come back. And he did. But I guess I didn’t learn a damn thing and I screwed it all up again. I almost feel like this is dejavu, except this time I’m having a harder time KNOWING !! I would do ANYTHING to have one more chance with him! ANYTHING! I know he is the one for me!


      4. Dear Nikki,
        The Universe is always interested in helping you but you have to believe it 🙂 You can manifest anything you want, it’s never too late.
        What you said about your behavior as well as his words makes sense but I am not sure if you see that he gave you an exact answer to HOW to manifest what you want (brilliant). He, just like any man who faces a broken connection with someone he loves, wants to see that woman become one of positive qualities he fell in love with instead of a woman influenced by negativity.
        If you could recreate your energy from the time you two fell in love, you would do it all easily. Remember what you were like back then. You were probably happy, independent and confident. You were sure things would work out with him. If you allowed yourself to be that person again, maybe you would believe in your relationship being possible all over again, and easily. Do you see what I mean?


      5. Apologize for bombarding your blog.. Your blog just seems to be the first that I’ve found where you actually CARE about helping people. And me, lol, I can use all the help I can get! So I hope you don’t mind me asking you questions


      6. Thank you Nina for taking time to talk to me.. It means so much to me and I am very grateful! I do somewhat understand what you mean. I guess it’s just that it’s been Sooo long since I’ve seen him or talked to him ( almost a year) .. And he did say all those things, but that was before I acted like a fool and pushed him so far away to where he wants nothing to do with me now. I do love him very very much, and I do believe he is the one for me.

        Once things really got bad, I got really depressed. My emotions were going crazy. I got really depressed, stopped eating right, pretty much let my whole life fall apart. I sat in my room for months doing nothing but reading and crying. I come across loa, and at first I thought it was rubbish, but I kept coming back to it. Within the last few weeks (maybe a month or two) I’ve been feeling better. Actually getting dressed, fixing my hair, going to work like I should.

        Just in my head I keep thinking that “if only you would have acted right” or ” now he is with someone else” or “I haven’t seen him or talked to him in so long” .. And so the doubts just keep piling on.


      7. As you practice seeing your relationship and focusing on it as you want it to be instead of as it is now, feeling gratitude for it as if you have received it already, you will move onto a higher vibration and soon feel great 🙂


      8. How am I to imagine? Like for instance when I “imagine” him I can’t really hear his specific voice. And as far a feeling it.. I’m confused as to how I am to FEEL it.. I guess I’m more or less having a hard time imagining it.. Possibly because of how much time has passed


      9. Keep practicing and you’ll get there. If you need help, just remember how it was during the times you were happy together. You can visualize the same happy events and circumstances in your relationship and they’ll repeat 🙂


  9. Hi Nina,

    I absolutely love your blog. Thank you for creating this.

    I want to manifest a relationship with a specific person that I was talking/dating from 2012-end of 2013. He ended things out of nowhere in 2014 and even blocked my number. I was clearly devastated. It took me awhile to get better. I met him again at a friend’s wedding this past summer in 2015. He was extremely sorry for what happened and I thought things were going to be normal again. He even unblocked me. But to my surprise he ended things again and blocked my number.

    I had given up on him and was just focusing on myself and improving myself. Despite all the guys I have dated or met, I still want him because I still feel love for him and he is the one who comes to mind when I think of my husband and the father of my kids.

    His parents love me and I’m still in contact with them. I don’t talk to them much but they care about me and are always really sweet.

    I’m moving to NYC and he lives in LA. I know distance doesn’t matter.

    I have read your entire blog and believe it’s possible regardless of how my current reality looks.

    I would appreciate any advice to help me succeed. Thank you so much!


    1. Hello Lila, and thank you so much! 🙂
      You already know that as soon as your energy changes, so do life circumstances. Every reaction you get from him reflects your perception of yourself, the relationship and how he sees you.
      It is important that you now focus on having the relationship you want with him in your life permanently. Since you want him in your life entirely, you want to visualize and think about how it feels to have what is now your end result. If you already want to manifest marriage and kids, focus on that just as you want it to be. If you want to visualize you two being a couple for now, living together in NYC or doing long distance, that works, too. After you decide which of those is your end result right now, think about how you feel now that you have your relationship with him. Who are you, what does your life feel like, what is your relationship like…? What are you like together, what do you do together, do you live together, how do you organize your time…? Whatever you want and whatever’s important to you in your relationship with him. You can visualize happily spending time with his parents since you get along so well 😀
      Then, it is important to be happy in your life just as it is now so that you could bring what you want into it. You can also do that by being grateful for your relationship as if you have it already and then, happily go and do something else in your current reality without needing or missing your desire. After visualizing or thinking happy thoughts, let go and live your life, being happy already because what you want is yours and is on its way.
      However, once you ask for your desire, you must believe it is yours and that it is coming true. You have to KNOW it’s yours because if you asked for it, you must receive it. Never worry about how it’s going to manifest – that’s the Universe’s job 🙂
      You can do this!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi Nina!!!

        Thank you SO SO SO much!! You’re awesome! Your reply made me so happy and I’m ready to manifest a perfect relationship with my guy. Thank you for being so incredibly sweet!

        Before I would worry if I was visualizing correctly or what I was doing wrong. However, after reading your blog, I have understood that it’s all about how you feel and what you believe is true.

        I’m not going to think about him blocking me or not being in contact with me. Rather, I’m going to only think happy thoughts of us being together and him loving me!

        I read that you are coming out with a book. What is it about? I’m looking forward to reading it.

        Thank you for taking time out and helping me! I appreciate it!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you very much 🙂 I love that you found the confidence you needed! The book deals with self-confidence and LoA, offering further explanations and examples.
        Lots of love!


  10. Thanks Nina!! You’re God sent!! When is your book coming out?

    Thank you for letting me know that nanifesting is supposed to be easy. I’m not looking for anymore signs or wondering how or when it will happen. I already KNOW that he is mine!!

    Thank you! 😊


  11. HI nina i have a question regarding this post.. When you say “focus on the end result” isn’t that be attached ? i get kind of lost or confused .. i thought when we know our desire is on the way and feel confident we dont need to focus because it already done so do we still need to focus on the end ? till it manafiest ? does the universe get the vibe that we dont care no more about our desire if we act like we dont care moving on and not being concerned anymore ?thanks your help is appreciated.. 🙂


    1. It means knowing that your desire is yours already and staying in that knowing instead of giving into fears and negative thoughts 🙂


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