Is your past and your general focus on the negative (fears, doubts, the current reality etc.) instead of the positive preventing you from manifesting? Do you try hard to manifest only to end up getting hurt over and over again? No matter how much you want to believe in your desire, do you feel incapable of letting go and saddened by feeling stuck in your current circumstances?
Even if all of this is true, you might be lost around the idea of what exactly you should do in order to finally make peace with what has been, believe in yourself and your happiness. You might be desperate to believe but don’t know how to when everything around you points to your dream missing from your life.
This is my solution. These are the steps to take in order to deal with all that excessive negative energy around your desire so that you could manifest it into your life. Right now, you might feel that you want something in particular to manifest into your life yet you feel upset with it in some way, be that your past, your general negative beliefs around the subject or your own limitations which you want to move past but feel incapable of achieving for now. Whatever it is, follow these steps to change your beliefs.
You cannot move into the happier future with negative beliefs.
1. Locate the source of your negative feelings.
Do you want to manifest a relationship but feel negatively about relationships in general, thinking they were boring, unfulfilling and ultimately doomed to come down to annoyance instead of enjoyment which is what they were meant for? Or, do you want to manifest being with someone specific yet keep focusing on their currently poor treatment of you and making you feel unwanted instead of loved?
Do you want to manifest a new job but feel that work is impossible to find or always implies working for insufficient pay and difficult people? Do you want to lose weight yet worry that you absolutely must spend an hour a day in the gym or practically starve yourself? Do you want to manifest money but fear you might not and that you will always have less money than you’d want?
Your current reality might be the only source of your negative feelings but the answer is to feel your ideal reality possible, real and something you look forward to instead of something abstract.
2. Ask yourself, “What would I be doing if I had it now?”
This is how you focus on the realness of your desire instead of your current reality.
Once you ask yourself this question, you will allow for a spontaneous visualization of your desire. You will feel as if you had it now and be able to evaluate whether or not you truly feel comfortable in it.
Sometimes, what started off as a specific desire turned into need due to not manifesting. The longer it took, the more you felt the need to make it happen, the more you missed it, the more you felt the need for it to appear and your general good mood deteriorated as a result, meaning your vibration dropped.
If your desire turned into need, it was because the worry had taken over, pushing your belief to the side. Your worry about your desire coming true, as well as yourself, took over against your positive beliefs of having your desire in your life and letting it go to manifest.
Asking yourself this question will allow you to start planning your life instead of living it without any awareness of what you might manifest.
3. Feel good about yourself and think about who you want to be!
Nurture your personal qualities which you cherish.
I personally cherish my cheerful and outgoing nature, for example. I care about my own opinion of myself and if you do the same, you will live your life wrapped in positive feelings about yourself. If you still wish to possess specific qualities, ask yourself what you would do if you had them now. Or, what would make you feel that you are the person you wish to be?
At the same time, don’t resist your current personality traits. Just focus on being the person you would love to be. You’re an amazing individual already, just as you are, but what would make you feel like an amazing individual? Believe that you are everything you wished to be.
This way, you are going to start over. You’re going to start over in manifesting, looking at your desire and your positive self-perception. You manifested the negative events in your life because you felt that they were likely to happen for you – start to believe that your desires are most likely to happen in your life!
Accept that the past is the past…and you will, as soon as you finally start looking at yourself as the person you wanted to be!
Be sure that your ideal reality truly is your ideal reality. Does the idea of living your desire make you feel comfortable? How do you feel about your desire right now? Be honest with yourself. Then, if you want to, compose and repeat an affirmation that reflects the way you want to feel living your ideal reality. Repeat that affirmation when necessary.
The way you feel about yourself and the way you feel about your desire are connected.
For your affirmation to work fast, you need to choose a vision of your ideal reality you are truly comfortable with. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of your desired reality you are imagining now, you are preventing yourself from receiving it. This is where you might have to put in some work, as deciding what exactly you want is sometimes the hardest part. Admitting your true feelings to yourself can be the hardest part.
I once thought about manifesting a relationship with someone but didn’t feel excited about it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in it until I explored my feelings and discovered that my true desire was to have him in my life. I wanted us to be close friends and we became it.
If you’re wondering how to practice your new beliefs, try this. One of my best friends keeps notes of affirmations stuck to the fridge and remembers them when needed. You could keep them in your wallet or anywhere else but the point is, keeping notes of affirmations will remind you of them. You will soon adopt an affirmation as your new belief if you know that it is written down somewhere close to you.
4. Learn to understand your negative thoughts.
In order to receive your desire, you must believe it is yours simply because you asked for it. Remind yourself of this if you have forgotten it. Once you know your desire belongs to you and is going to manifest in your life, you will understand why negative thoughts mean nothing.
Your belief is one thing but random negative thoughts that come up are quite another (even when your subconscious mind tries to make you believe they mean something).
Right now, you don’t believe so you are distracted by your negative thoughts; however, once you believe, you will no longer be distracted by your negative thoughts.
You used to jump at every negative thought, fearing it was true or about to come true. But after you start to believe, you will know that your belief in your desire is real and therefore thoughts that contradict it must be false.
This is how ignoring of your negative thoughts works. If you have made a decision that your desire belongs to you already, asked for it and automatically believed it was yours; every time negative thoughts come up, you can remember that you know. This is how ignoring negative thoughts works – you’ll be able to observe them while knowing that your desire belongs to you already.
Negative thoughts may still come up but they are different from negative beliefs. Positive beliefs allow you to see that negative thoughts are false.
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Overcoming your negative thoughts and making peace with everything that has been will allow you to start over. Forget everything that has been and focus on what you want because you deserve it.
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION LIFESTYLE 
Hi Nina,
Thank you for this. I was reading some old comments on your site, especially those that were made under your favorite quotes post, and they reminded me a bit of why I felt better before. I know that one thing that holds me back is my hurt over the past. When I decided to focus on why I love him last time and how happy my ideal reality would make me, things started working in my favor.
There are also a couple of areas that I know I also have resistance on and I wanted to see if you had any recommendations. One is my general belief on relationships. I’m very afraid of being hurt in general. I feel like I’ve always been afraid of men cheating. In fact, when I was young I was always very scared of my dad leaving us for another woman ( he never did anything to feed this fear, no evidence of any affairs, etc). I think i was always worried because my mom could be a little difficult, and she also never has taken care of herself weight wise. She wears makeup and is pretty, but she has always hated exercise and gained a lot of weight over the years. Ironically, she is the opposite of me when it comes to men. She almost doesn’t care and is very confident. I don’t know where this fear started in me because it was pretty young.
The second area is my attachment to my parents. He lives across the country and travels half the time to another city (none of which are close to my hometown). Pretty much in my life, my parents have been my rock and my only constant. Even a lot of my friends moved away. So, I have this fear of being away from them. Ideally, even if I were to move where he’s at temporarily, I would eventually want us to move close to my family/hometown again. However, he doesn’t like it much here, his family is on the opposite side of town, and his property is over there too. Is it right for me to want to manifest us living here, even if he’s happy where he’s at and closer to his family. How can I overcome this resistance?
The third area is that like you mentioned in your book, I think I’m embarassed sometimes that I want/love someone who has rejected me so much. I look at someone strong like you who would probably never want someone that treated them badly, and I think what is wrong with me? Do i love myself so little that I don’t care how someone treated me? But, then I wonder if my self love is why I get treated that way in the first place?
I was also wondering if you could give me a couple of tips/ideas for step 2 in this post?
Thank you,
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Dear C,
Your childhood fears tell me that you simply worried about not being able to get what you want while you saw others who never even tried, like your Mom, getting everything they wanted easily so you figured that if you kept yourself fit, good looking etc., you would be as confident as they are and be able to get the things you saw them have so easily. You saw someone else have the confidence you wanted or other women have the men you wanted in the way you wanted them, automatically assumed you could not have the same so you looked for ways to make yourself confident and believe that you could have them, too.
That confidence can be found in you. It is in your beliefs, just waiting to be found. Your beliefs are just waiting to be improved.
Also, your resistance is consisted of guilt, just like you described. You worry about changing his life but what if you made him extremely happy with that change? You are more inclined to see yourself having to move because you probably think that you should completely adjust to him and be cool with it so that he could see how much you contribute to his life. My advice here would be to see a relationship of partners and I don’t think you see it now. Your goal here would be to believe that you two are partners, a man and a woman and that he treats you like a real man who loves the woman he is with. How would that make you feel? I suggest you practice this. As you do, you will be able to imagine living in love with him.
The third area goes with the first. You know you’re too good for this, for being so sad over him but you still want to be with him. You still feel as if you know your worth but assume that he doesn’t know it and fear he never will. Can you imagine seeing yourself as the woman he loves as much as you know that you could love yourself?
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Thanks Nina for everything. I’ve been having freak outs for the past couple of days… I know that part of this is also my emotional maturity which I’m working on. I guess it was hard to be so close to what I wanted and then for it all to seemingly disappear so quickly. I know that I’m too attached to this, but its because I truly know that I love this man, and I worry that it won’t work out for me in the end, like it has failed to manifest so many times in real life.
A couple more questions just to clarify:
1) What is the best way to change beliefs? AFfirmations?
2) Not sure if you had answered this within the other answers you gave me, but for step #2 in your post “Ask yourself, “What would I be doing if I had it now?” Can you give me some ideas of what I would be doing if I had what I wanted?
Thx,
C
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1. I recommend affirmations but only after declaring to yourself that you are going to get what you want. Belief combined with affirmations works but start with the belief – that makes the rest of the process so much easier! Believe just because you have asked for it.
2. Whatever makes you happy. How about living together and splitting your time visiting both your parents? Decorating your new apartment together? You figuring out your new work arrangement because you’re not living together? 😀 Anything you would love to live with him 😀 ❤
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Hi Nina,
Can you please check out this success story, especially the update that was made the second time. I’m just curious why she feels the guy was not so into it the first time they got back together…. Or would you think that maybe she wasn’t so sure either ?
http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/got-my-ex-back?xg_source=activity
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Every time she felt that he wasn’t into the relationship, she understands and explains that it was because she wasn’t into herself enough but relied on him for her happiness which was a mistake. As soon as she was able to be happy on her own, without him, she manifested.
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Nina, how does one contact you by email?
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Latest blog post! 🙂 xxxx
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One last question Nina… so sorry for bugging you so much. When it comes to time, you’ve mentioned that sometimes you were able to manifest a person in a day and sometimes it took a couple of months. What do you think is the biggest influencer in the time factor?
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Letting go. Whenever I manifested shortly, it was because I had let go entirely.
Sometimes, that letting go meant totally forgetting about what I had asked after changing focus to something else, anything at all that made me happy; at other times, I thought about it happily for as long as I wanted to and then, I just started thinking about something else, whatever it was.
Letting go is consisted of being sure you will receive and knowing that the sooner you let go, the sooner you will receive. You can consciously let go and focus on doing something else. Just the fact that you have let go will make you feel great, you will be doing something new and interesting. I can let go because I say to myself that the sooner I let go, the sooner I will receive and whenever my desire crosses my mind after that, I thank the Universe for manifesting it and let it go again. Soon, you will stop thinking about it and refocus, dive into another activity and suddenly, you will manifest 😀
Believe and be happy!
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Thanks for both of your responses Nina. Always love everything you say. I admire your confidence and kindness, and wish you all the happiness in the world for all that you do to help people.
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Thank you so much, that is so amazing of you 💟💟
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Hi Nina,
I’m so sorry for contacting you again, but I have had a very tough time this past week. I don’t know what has happened recently, but I’ve had so much anxiety the past few days I can barely handle it at times. I haven’t even been sleeping that well because I wake up at night worried.
I don’t know if it’s because of my friends moms death that I told you about on email or what but I just feel extremely disconnected and I guess even depressed lately. I just get so sad when I think of the amount of time I’ve lost and how long I’ve been at this trying to get this situation to go in my favor. I’m a few months away from my next birthday and it’s also a reminder.
My problem is that the past week, I really can’t reconnect with those happy feelings anymore, I don’t feel as much hope in this situation because my guy was able to let me go once again. I know all of this is possible to bring him back but I think everything will keep repeating itself and maybe I’ll get to spend a week with him here and there, but overall I’ll be alone most of the time. Plus, he has distanced himself since, I think he is trying to reinforce that we are just friends.
I’ve tried the things that made me feel better last time, the chakra healings, the affirmations, and some of the new things that Gretta posted here but nothing has really helped this time.
It’s not like there has been anything definitive or different, but I feel anxious and can’t fully explain it. I don’t know how to really change this belief anymore or how I feel.
He also just went on a vacation that I had hoped he would invite me on. In fact I had even gone so far to ask to be invited a while back. It’s somewhere I had always visualized us together.
Please help. Thank you,
Sent from my iPad
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Because your current circumstances cause upsetting feelings in you, focusing on what is because it upsets you so much that it’s hard for you to believe things could get better, more of the same keeps happening. However, the difficult part is that it is on us to make ourselves feel better with the help of our beliefs.
If you would simply be able to believe it is yours JUST because you asked for it, it would come fast but I know that even when you believe, it seems as if it’s far in the future and your goal is to believe that you have it right now. If you only believed, you would believe that it is yours already, right now, which would make you feel better. Believing it is far into the future and feeling as if you keep waiting don’t make you feel better.
I think it comes down to being tired of waiting for you but the goal is to feel as if you have it right now so that you stop feeling the need for it to manifest. This goal can be achieved by focusing on other joys in life, even if you have to find them first, which would allow you to see that your relationship IS possible as well.
No matter what thoughts come to mind, I suggest that you just tell yourself that your relationship is yours, ride out the negative thoughts and come to a positive place. Think that because you have asked for it, it must happen – that is what I do. Be persistent! Things will change when YOU decide that they must change. Be strong. You can get yourself out of this mood and you are the only person that can do so. Be decisive – you will get what you want when you accept that it’s happening and nothing else but receiving your desire is an option.
You are stronger than your current reality.
The email replies are coming today as well xx
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I think what is hard for me right now is forgiveness… of my and myself. There was something that happened that keeps replaying in my mind. When we were together, and I had gotten jealous that he had made plans with someone else while we were together. I started realizing that maybe I was wrong to get upset because we weren’t officially a couple yet or anything… so I began to apologize and explain that I wasn’t trying to control him, etc. I was shocked because instead of helping my situation, that was what pushed him to really start pushing me away, calling me “his friend” once again, saying that I wanted more than he could give, why wasn’t I more like his other friends and just chill out. I was really thrown off because while I was having some doubts about what he was doing, I thought he had already moved towards at least liking me as more than a friend?
I’m still so confused over this.
What can I do about the anxiety? Its really been cyclical lately. Some moments I’m able to picture us together and feel happy. Other moments I’m distraught over the fact that he isn’t missing me right now. The worst part is that its attacking me while I’m sleeping, so by the time I wake up I’m in a panic.
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I am so sorry to hear. I think the suggestions made about eating well can definitely help – I will also contribute an article about the food combinations I personally use to keep my mind clear. In my teens, I read an article by a doctor about the “correct food combinations” which work great!
Even though I sound like a broken record, life’s joy without him must be found because right now, he has the power over your happiness when you actually should. No one else should hold more power over your happiness than you do. I think you need to pamper yourself to remind yourself of how valuable you are. Give it a little time and you will see how happiness developing in you changes and relaxes you.
If you feel up for talking to a counselor close to you, you can also do that. Sometimes, a single session with someone helps and you never know what personal insights you might gain. This can be a psychologist or someone else you would like to talk to. You can simply open up a subject with them of overthinking things with your ex that you would like to get back with and see where the conversation takes you. It might just take you to being in a better place and it would just be a conversation you have with someone else for an hour. Maybe someone like this could talk to you about techniques for calming down (I recommend meditation and/or subliminals, EFT) and you could share your feelings about the latest life events that rattled you.
Would saying something to him make you feel better, only to make you feel better and without expecting anything in return? Or would it just make you happy to go on holiday by yourself? Any other activity?
There are many ways.
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Hi C
Where are you in the world? Can you buy this from somewhere today? A pharmacy or shop near you. Its amazing. There is one for night time/sleep also.
http://www.bachflower.com/rescue-remedy-information/
Also I only comment because I want to help because you have seen me on here in panic etc before.
What is your diet like? Do you eat enough good fats? Avocados? Fish? Nuts? Omega 3,6,9, Eggs? Real Butter etc, etc. The brain needs fat, when you increase GOOD fats into your diet you will notice a change in your thoughts, these good fats make you feel HAPPY. Eat them in big quantities and no you won’t get fat at all, just don’t mix them with carbs or it won’t have the same effect. When you see low-fat that means chemical shit storm. To much to explain but basally what we have been told about your diet, eating low fat etc is rubbish.
Try the rescue remedy and the change in diet.
x
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Hi Gretta,
I think my diet is pretty balanced. I definitely eat a lot of healthy fats (eggs, avocados, nuts, etc). I honestly think my anxiety and sadness right now is really because of my mind right now than any dietary issues. Because I believe in LOA, I really believe the mind creates a lot of our health issues too. I’m not saying a healthy diet is not important, but I really think my issue here is my thoughts & feelings about this situation. If I don’t feel better soon, I’ll definitely look into getting these products.
Thx,
C
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Actually doll your diet could have a lot to do with it 🙂 – if your body doesn’t have the correct nutrients it cannot process what it needs to process correctly which does include emotions.
If your diet is rich in acidic foods (refined carbs and sugars, processed foods ) you would actually be prone to depression – which is interesting because they tend to be the foods we crave when feeling low). A change in diet could actually help your brain be less foggy and process information better therefore lifting the anxiety and sadness (which is really symptoms of a depressed state).
Part of what you could do is making a cure on foods that would help : leafy greens, avocado, mushrooms, berries, chocolate ( smoothies are a really great way to include these) and rev up on a few supplements (B12, D (which can also enhance feeling down) for example).
The other underlying trick with this is that when you do focus on diet to make you feel better, you’re engaging in self-care and self-love which could make up for the lack you feel when it comes to your guy that will help you gain clarity and do the right steps towards your manifestation because well … you’d be thinking clearer and able to filter your thoughts better.
possibility ? 🙂
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Hi C
No worries. It’s only one product that has the 5 bach flowers in it. It’s around 20.00 here in Australia.
This info is for anyone else that might be interested.
Impatiens: For those who act and think quickly, and have no patience for what they see as the slowness of others. They often prefer to work alone. Teaches empathy and understanding of and patience with others. We’ve found it very fast-acting in alleviating an impatient attitude and lowering stress.
Star of Bethlehem: For trauma and shock, whether experienced recently or in the past. Teaches the ability to recover from traumas and to integrate them into the present life.
Cherry Plum: For those who fear losing control of their thoughts and actions and doing things they know are bad for them or which they consider wrong. Teaches trust in one’s spontaneous wisdom and the courage to follow one’s path.
Rock Rose: For situations in which one experiences panic or terror.
Clematis: For those who find their lives unhappy and withdraw into fantasy worlds. They are ungrounded and indifferent to the details of everyday life. Teaches one to establish a bridge between the physical world and the world of ideas; may foster great creativity. Is also used to bring clarity and alertness to the present moment.
The Rescue Remedy is designed to help deal with immediate problems. If you are working through an underlying problem – or if you need rescuing every day
x
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Hi Lily & Gretta,
I totally agree with you that diet is important. What I meant is that I already eat pretty healthy, take supplements, and I don’t deprive myself so I eat a little of everything without indulging too much in the bad or processed stuff. Although I have been struggling with anxiety and sadness for a while, the depressed state definitely increased significantly after this last trip and quite a bit in the last week actually
Even though I have been frustrated for a while with this situation, I think I lost some of my faith this time and am definitely more worried than before. I agree that extra self love is important right now, so I’ll take the advice to make sure I’m really getting good food, and taking care of myself in other ways too
Thank you guys
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I heart and hear you C – I was there last year where I had such a massive anxiety attack i literally stopped functioning for a few weeks.
There is something obviously resonating inside of you with this situation feeding into some sort of cycle about how you feel about yourself, about your situation and about your guy.
Maybe you might want to consider the traditional route : therapy – not so much about the guy but about what it triggers for you. My therapist was also a mindfulness advocate so she helped me a lot with staying grounded when going through a situation and realizing that emotions go in waves and when there is a peak there is going to be a dip – but a lot of times we get carried away during the peak and just keep ourselves in a series of peaks without allowing the natural dip to come along.
1 year later I can safely say my situation with the guy is actually worse (which is actually hilarious to me ) but my ability to manage the emotions is significantly better and so it doesn’t affect my mood or my emotional balance like it would have (if this was last year I would have felt devastated and crawled in a corner to wait for life to end after the recent events) – I learned why I become anxious and how to handle it which is sometimes means I don’t do anything and don’t feel bad for feeling like shit.
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Hi C
I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way, it’s just that I noticed you said that if you don’t feel better that you will look into buying the Rescue Remedy.
I have friends and family members who used this during times of depression and grief (someone dying) etc and they say it helped dramatically. Ive used it also and its fantastic. Maybe if you tested it out now it could help you ‘recover’ faster. So in those moments of feeling anxiety and upset you could do a few sprays under the tongue, you will notice a difference immediately.
Up to you.
Take care. x
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Thank you Nina for your response. I do have a counselor that I speak to from time to time, and I’ve tried hypnosis/EFT in the past. I think I was just frustrated that I took some steps back
It was weird, I responded to your most recent post yesterday and listed my worries to get them off my chest. I must have made a mistake because my response never popped up, and I lost what I had written. Maybe the universe is trying to tell me to forget about my worries 🙂
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I think it is 😉 And I know that you can do this! You can have what you want xx
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Hi. Nina…I don’t know what to do.. this maybe a little awkward..I am in love with this man…And I think he is seeing someone else….I messed up really bad..I won’t go into detail..I think he don’t want anything to do with me…I’m not going to call him or beg him to be with me….A lot of stuff was said or told… Now I feel like a fool…How can I fix it or could I.
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You absolutely can fix it but first, you must forgive both yourself and him for what has been said and done. It’s not a big deal and your situation can change any minute. Imagine what it would be like if you two worked through everything that was said and done and were back together, happier than ever. Believe in what you want to be happening, even if you can’t see it, not what things look like right now. Feel gratitude for everything you already have. You can do this!
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