When One Doesn’t Need a Relationship…

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that self-confidence and the ability to let go share a deep connection.

I was given permission to share this story. Recently, a friend of mine got out of a long-term relationship and while wanting to relax before hitting the dating scene, they became a target of some very interested individuals instead. My friend’s lack of interest in anything serious removed the internal need for a relationship which resulted in becoming magnetic to the opposite sex. However, these individuals who are targeting my friend overdo it to say the least, reciprocating every iota of interest with a snowball of excessive attention. With my friend’s breakup still fresh in their mind, causing some conflicted personal values, they have come to fear refusing these individuals’ advances and hurting their feelings.

There is no doubt that my friend needs to regain their confidence and values before entering a new relationship but the behavior of these two individuals who have their eye on this friend of mine shows attachment instead of confidence.

How do I know?

Let me explain.

My friend doesn’t feel that either of these two individuals is quite captivating. They feel that both individuals are sweet but overplaying their hand, possibly insecure and coming on strongly instead of respecting the need for space my friend (verbally) expressed. Instead of receiving the space requested, my friend is being chased which is a primal reaction on an energetic level but a poor choice on their admirers’ side.

I have said before that one can make moves only when certain that what he/she wants belongs to them already. On the other hand, making moves in order to “get” something one doesn’t have yet is generally a bad idea. Simple as that.

What my friend does have in this case is fulfillment in their single life – having come out of a relationship, they feel the need for a new one and attract admirers as a result. My friend feels good on their own right now which is a requirement for anyone wishing to attract new people.

At the same time, my friend is attracting the people they are not interested in having long term (or, any kind of) involvements with. This is because they are putting the pieces of their personal happiness back together yet none of the individuals pursuing my friend are convinced that they can make the relationship happen.

There are plenty of LoA lessons in this example. If one of my friend’s admirers decided that they wanted a relationship and had unconditional faith, that relationship could happen.

If one of my friend’s admirers loved themselves as much as they keep asking my friend to “love” them, my friend would feel much stronger attraction for them.

To sum up,

Those who love themselves and are confident in their abilities can let go of their desire to manifest. They already have much love in their lives…because they give it to themselves.


  1. Farkkkkkkkkk!! This no net thing aint going so well this past week and a bit but I am glad otherwise I would have not seen this post.
    Ok. This is officially my favourite post you have ever written and probably one of the best things I have ever read in my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s like that big BOOM! moment. You know what you have to do, but just reading that post makes you even more confident in knowing what to do, love yourself and let go. First close down every other single LOA blog or article in your tabs up above and read this post over and over. Tell me you don’t get that feeling that someone is poking you in the side saying “did you get that this time?”

    Haha. To good! Made my night! Can’t stop smiling. xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is the best blog about LOA I’ve ever coming across , I read every single post, comment and STILL can’t have enough

    Thank you so very much Nina and to be fair every one who has even commented bcz every comment also helps

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Nina,

    I hope all is going well with you.

    I feel bad sometimes posting on here or sending an email because I know you must get frustrated or tired of me asking the same question but there are still some things that I don’t understand.

    As you know, the last time I saw my guy, there were some things that happened that made me hurt by my guy, and made it hard for me to trust him. I know that I had my part in this as well, but unfortunately, it hasn’t changed the way I feel and my fears, but at the same time, I still love him.

    I know you say that we need to be happy with ourselves first, and that our happiness needs to come from us, so that we don’t put the burden on those we love. But, I think that there is another type of satisfaction that only comes from your relationships with others, and a special happiness that comes when you have someone you adore to share your life with.

    I think a part of me feels bad that I love someone that has hurt me so many times. Has told me he is not in love with me, basically rejected me over and over. But, I still do love him.

    At the same time, my life has become so mundane, with only small spurts of that happiness that I described above with another person. I think I’m used to it now, and sometimes my motivation to do affirmations and visualizations is not there because I cannot feel it after I’ve been hurt or being so far from my guy and seeing him so little.

    I have my insecurities, I know that, but I don’t know if i would say that I don’t love myself. I think that is why it is actually hard for me sometimes to love this guy. My heart fights with itself because I don’t understand why I love this person. He is not a bad person, but some of the things he has done have made me really feel bad for loving him, because they were not very nice towards me. Its a mix of being upset with myself, being upset with him, not trusting him, maybe not trusting myself?

    When we last saw each other, he had some vacation time coming up and I invited him to come see me. He also had other invitations from friends, so he was considering it. I haven’t heard from him since and his vacation time is coming up.

    I just don’t know how to find that happiness anymore Nina. I wish I could get a real chance to have success in this, for me to not self-sabotage, and for us to be happy together, and sharing our lives with each other.

    Also, when is your new book coming out?


    1. Hi All-
      I don’t really have a reply here, I just want to second what C is saying… some days I have such a pervasive feeling that I know me and my guy will end up together, but a lot of the time is spent at looking “at what is” and wondering how anything is ever going to happen. I do believe that anything can happen, and if I “live from the end” it’ll happen with him or maybe someone better; I weigh my own awareness down with obstacles and sadness.

      C puts eloquently a lot of things I’ve been feeling more of as of late, and I too am looking for guidance. I have read Nina’s book and I love it. I keep asking myself why I don’t enact what she wrote about there and in this blog (which I love as well). Intellectually, I get it. In fact, I like to think about not needing this or any relationship of this sort to come to fruition. I would truly like to be ambivalent- not out of giving up, but out of real KNOWING that it’s coming.

      I’ve asked…I understand that it will come because I’ve asked and that I’m worthy. But I too self-sabotage. Any thoughts are welcomed- I have been reading this blog for about a month now, and I love every entry- every bit of guidance and every bit of support you all share with each other.

      Thanks everyone 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you and thank you for sharing 🙂 I suggest gratitude – be grateful for your relationship as if you have it already.


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