Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person

5 thoughts on “Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person”

  1. Hi Nina
    Got your email and read this post. My question is can you just go nothing? What I mean is can you just not respond them them? Not think about them? I remember you always saying you don’t have to do any “work” – I guess what I’m really asking means you are not making a firm decision like you say above but I’m kinda exhausted now from this and I don’t want to decide I would just like to do nothing.l and just start floating in all areas of my life. Can I just not respond, not argue back with him, basically do nothing? Does this make any sense or does the Universe have to know for sure what you want? It’s just that I kinda feel like I don’t believe in the Universe anymore, like I don’t believe that even any amount of love could turn my situation around and I think possibly I’ve always believed that like I felt naive to think I could create a relationship with him but could attract other things by just blinking my eyes. I kinda feel like I was just being stupid, almost like a “what are you thinking?” Kinda of feeling. Just in working full time I’ve realised I’ve been chasing the money and it’s making me miserable, I can’t remember the last time I asked the universe for anything and everyone keeps saying I’ve changed and I’m not as happy as I was and I never say “ask the universe anymore” infact someone said something to me yesterday and I said “that would be just my luck” for something to go wrong. Working full time and being part of the system has really ruined things, I thought I’d be happy to have this money coming in and it hasn’t done anything more for me than when I was working in terms of happiness.
    I just wanna float and do no work at all and by no work I don’t mean go on welfare, i want to work partime, but what I’m really trying to say is that I want things to be easy all the time in all areas like it’s apparently meant to be yet no area in my life is going smoothly or how i feel it should be. I think I just don’t want to visualize anything and I don’t know if I’ve just given up on life but I caught some of my thoughts the other day and it ranged from “what’s the point” and the feeling was just like not wanting to go on and i don’t mean to end my life It was more like um I can’t find the words – it was like just wanting to float or float away and not feel or think anymore. Hope some of this makes sense. Maybe i do want it all without “the work” ?

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    1. The only work to be done is within yourself – staying positive about what you truly want. I think the problem here is that you are unsure of what you want because of his negative traits yet nothing better is coming so you keep your attention on this relationship. Things can only get easy when you decide that what you want is yours or that you genuinely don’t mind whether or not it ever manifests.

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      1. Hello Nina

        For someone who has never met neither me or him – I think you have hit the nail on the read with remarkable accuracy. You’ve indicated that I dont know what I truly want and i know that anyone may have been able to gauge that with my ups and down on this site and when I keep seeing things that freak me out – its true I sway. Apparently I am that kind of person i do find it hard to make a decision with anything. I do go back and fourth and in the email the other day you said that you think he is socially awkward. I will get to that part.

        Well, today we saw each other, for 10 minutes or so – I went and dropped some stuff off. After hearing that lame excuse again about being busy I text him and said I will be coming to your house this morning and I will leave the items on the letter box and to make sure he is home to collect it. I really felt I had to put my foot down. We had been arguing through text messages the night before and I had asked him to meet me in 2 weeks time at a chocolate place near his house. He did not respond to that so i thought hes not going to answer – screw it! I am just going to go there and get this over with. As I am on my way to his house (shitting myself, let me tell you, I had a small panic attack in the car because It’s not like me to do anything like this, especially with him.) I get a text saying that he CAN meet me in 2 weeks and that it was up to me if i wanted to go to his house today or wait for the 2 weeks time. I was already driving and on the highway so i said i was coming now. I did not expect him to come out of the house, but he did.

        I forgot how tall he is and how quietly spoken he is. I forgot his stupid sense of humor. When he saw one of the items you could see he was surprised and moved and said it was beautiful and kept staring at it. You know the item I am speaking of? The one that was sent overseas for repairs and while he is looking in the bag I was looking at him, his hair and his face.

        The part about you saying he is socially awkward? Well, thats what he kept saying, you could see he was nervous and screwing up his words, he made some silly comment about me bringing stuff to the poor (which made me feel bad because I thought he was referring to me always saying to him why doesnt he want better) Oh. As i am sitting here I have just realized what he meant. The company I work for – we help people in need, poor, domestic violence, drugs, not able to find work (list is to big to write). That wasn’t what I was doing. I wasn’t giving to him because I think he is poor, at the time of buying those things I did it because I loved him, not because I thought he was poor. Or was i? I dont think so. I just remember picking things up thinking he would like that.

        He kept saying “this is so awkward” and obviously that wasn’t a good thing to keep hearing. He said ‘didn’t you think I would meet you?” and i said you just said the night before that you’re too busy to have more people in your life but apparently he was going to meet me. But would he have met me if i didn’t have those thigns for him? That’s what I keep thinking.

        I thought, because I was angry, that when I saw him and was next to him I would think, “Ewwww!” but I didn’t, the opposite and what I think is bothering me the most is coming to this site and admitting to you, myself and everyone reading this that I still like this person and have hope. My question is, am i completely and utterly stupid?

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  2. Love this piece ….. so well put . Detached attachment always helps in this case. Whether it’s your family or friends . And yes , out of experience , I have been around a lot of people who border in NPD …. it’s been hell. After several years , I realised the importance of putting oneself ahead of others! Not being selfish or self centred but more self love .

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