I remember this girl I went to school with. She didn’t care for any material possessions above the necessary, and pegged those who valued them as self-absorbed. She didn’t see the value in taking care of one’s appearance either; worst of all, she never thought that someone was a redeemable individual if even one facet of their personality consisted of caring about looks or luxury. She never said anything along the lines of, “Everyone has the right to choose how they live and what they spend money on” but when describing classmates, she would say, “She only cares about buying new clothes and make-up!” or “He gets away with everything because he knows how to manipulate others – he’s just a taker, not a giver, and cares about nothing meaningful, just his appearance.” I somehow didn’t think that judging others for their preferences made her a better person. What if those that she looked down on were simply living as if and manifesting their dream life? She was unfamiliar with their personal backgrounds or the reasons for their choices. She was unfamiliar with their personalities, judging only what she saw as if there was nothing else.
In those years, money wasn’t associated with self-love in a socially acceptable way; twenty years ago, it was a different world. Some were always grateful for their wealth and knew that they deserved it, while others quietly felt guilty about their own financial means. And then, there were those who simply didn’t care about money. I attended three different high schools in three countries, on two continents – my family moved due to my father’s work, a lifestyle I absolutely loved! – and in the culture of this one, money and power were seen either as something respected but not discussed or as the root of all evil, depending on who you asked. If one respected themselves enough to know what kind of lifestyle they deserved, they would not verbalize it out of fear of offending those who didn’t live such a life already, as if that meant they never could. It was rude to suggest that one’s circumstances were a result of the Law of Attraction in any way, even though energy and awareness (which decide what LoA gives us) create our entire lives.
In this culture, one’s choices didn’t exist in the idea of life creation. Life wasn’t created – it was given by either fate, God or another entity with intentions of its own. The only acceptable mindset stated that things in life are either given to the “lucky” or withheld from the “unlucky.” Therefore, according to my former classmate, money was unfairly given to those who have it, and unequivocally so, whether they were born into it or created a seven-figure business. The nicest people she knew, she would say, were the ones who deserved money the most but had the least of it, so it was the duty of life to level the playing field and be obliged to give some struggle to the “lucky” because it wouldn’t be fair otherwise. Once struggle came, one was to advertise all their failures openly, because humility must have no bounds. She had confused the idea of humility with self-deprecation.
We occasionally conversed at school the way I did with most classmates. When she asked about my life and I had no struggles to report that moment, she would tell me I was hiding things because most of her stories would lead with some type of struggle. It needed to be omnipresent in her world. I saw nothing wrong with her life but rehashing life struggles was her idea of bonding. She would occasionally call me a positive thinker but glorify herself to be a “realist.” This was an especially sore subject when it came to the Law of Attraction or as I described it during those years, “willing things into being.” (I didn’t know the term “Law of Attraction” until it had become part of the mainstream. I never thought about what it was called. It matters that we use it, not what we call it. It matters that we enjoy visualization and our decisions instead of analyzing our place in the current reality. I never called LoA by name but simply described my process of believing and receiving.)
Even in this culture, I openly shared my viewpoints. When I told her I believed my family would travel, move and live in different countries, a lifestyle that had begun to manifest three years prior, she informed me that my thoughts had nothing to do with it. I explained my mindset and she disagreed once again, so I nodded and said, “Okay.” If she believed I hadn’t created my own life, that was her right.
But my reaction upset her.
She didn’t like that I agreed to disagree, and had no problem being alone in it. Like many, she was upset to find out that respect in life is earned, in this case by being capable of disagreeing politely. That people didn’t owe it to her to agree with her ideas. So she attacked my disagreement with her belief system. She had seen me as entitled but was irritated when I didn’t accept her viewpoint, as if I owed her my compliance. I found her mindset ironic.
This was when I realized that many individuals do not want to encounter those who disagree with them. They don’t want their ideas about life challenged, even if it could lead to a better reality. They want to keep seeing money as the root of all evil unless it were to suddenly be given to them; receiving what they spend time knocking down would suddenly change their mind about fairness in the world, an idea that goes against LoA which dictates appreciation for our desires before manifestation.
You may wonder why I hadn’t put in an effort to empower her. I write this blog to life coach, and teach everyone to create their dreams.
It was because she was negative. A veil of negativity over one’s words and actions will drive people away. This is human nature and a principle of energy. Parents can drive their children away by continuously tearing down their dreams. Lashing out at your specific person will drive them away, even if they were in the wrong. No one wants to be surrounded with negativity, and your specific person won’t deem you worth their time if negative exchange persists. You have your limits but so does your person, and you will eventually have to start thinking well of them if you want to manifest your relationship.
Think about this – would you start a relationship with someone if your conversations and mutual presence, your energy exchange, didn’t make you feel good? Neither would your special person. Most of all,
Investing in any kind of negativity is a waste of time. Whatever we spend time on is an investment, whether a positive or a negative one.
A year later, I was enrolling in another high school, in a new country. Before I moved, my former classmate had been curious about my new destination yet seemingly relieved to go back into her undisturbed awareness. I didn’t hold it against her but never wanted us to be friends. She thought I needed to agree with her; I did not think she was ever required to be happy for me.
Loving yourself means guarding your inner peace, and ignoring those who are intent on disturbing it.
But I did think that only those happy for me deserved a place in my personal space. Those who can be happy for others have positive hearts and find ways to thrive in their own lives. They possess natural confidence and find things to love in the world. In turn, their lives flourish with blessings because LoA gives them what they feel and radiate. They add beauty to the world.
Having the life you want does not oblige you to justify yourself. You have the right to talk about your life. You have the right to refuse talking about it. You have the right to not feel guilty for manifesting money, trips, an entire lifestyle or relationships with specific people. Those who tell you that you should feel guilty would not feel so themselves if they were in your shoes. There is much hypocrisy in the world, and some believe you don’t deserve what you have but that they would. This is why you shouldn’t allow anyone to induce guilt into your life.
And you should not feel guilty about thriving, for any reason or person. Their insecurities are not your problem.