My teenage years weren’t as focused on attracting a love life as they were on manifesting a lifestyle. Why does this matter? Because we manifest who (and what) we are – and who we are is our awareness.
The following was a predominant part of my awareness. I wanted, then manifested, living an international lifestyle in my teens much more frequently than having boyfriends. I wanted this lifestyle more than almost anything else, and more than the handful of involvements I did manifest during those years.
I began visualizing an international lifestyle at age thirteen and manifested it at fourteen. This was who I’d chosen to be – my awareness consisted of being a sophisticated woman experiencing the world. I went to three high schools in three countries (on two continents!) during these years. I’d visited some of world’s most coveted destinations.
I THOUGHT THAT HAVING A SERIOUS BOYFRIEND WOULD GET IN THE WAY OF MY INTERNATIONAL LIFESTYLE – THIS WAS A LIMITED BELIEF
Of course, I was still interested in teenage boys. But I was aware of how fast my interest could fade – this shows you I wasn’t ready to commit. My girlfriends, cousins and classmates were talking about their boyfriends, dubbing them “a wonderful, gentle guy,” “so caring, open and honest” and “someone who likes me for me.” I was happy for them but clearly remember thinking that having a relationship instead of my current life would never be enough for me. Clearly, I feared that having a relationship would get in the way of my desired life so there was no way of manifesting a significant one – I had powerful inner blocks around this possibility. I saw high school relationships as insignificant instead of enriching.
There was a reason for this mindset flourishing specifically in my teenage years. In high school, I would see serious couples get together and give up on life, at least in my opinion. For them, it was like finding each other made them lose interest in the rest of the world. They didn’t explore as much because staying home together was more fun. They didn’t travel too far because staying close was enough, as they did it together. Instead of respecting that, I would think, “I accept this for you but I need more. Someday, you’ll break up and then regret all the time you wasted hanging out at home instead of seeing the world.” It wasn’t the kindest of mindsets but I wasn’t trying to judge. I was simply afraid of staying in one place and saw anything permanent as a threat to my desire.
(In part, my chastisement existed because I was convinced that I could recognize couples who had truly found each other in high school vs. everyone else. In my estimate, soul mates represented maybe 10% of these pairs.)
As a result of my teenage mindset, I did manifest my travel and lifestyle. But I didn’t manifest much romance. Many high school boys didn’t find my condescension attractive.
What are the LoA lessons we can take from this?
What you fear letting into your life, you won’t manifest.Tweet
Today, I’m very open about experiencing emotions and it makes me see just how closed off to it I used to be.
I FEARED THAT A HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP WOULD HOLD ME DOWN
What you aren’t ready to dive into, no matter how scary it is, you will have trouble manifesting. You must want to experience it even if you fear it! There’s a difference between acknowledging the magnitude of something and being afraid to let it in because you might get hurt.
I feared that getting comfortable in a high school relationship, something more permanent than the lifestyle I had manifested, would bring me everything I didn’t want. I wanted to continue to explore the world. I wanted to be a person that I admired. I wanted to find The One someday, and was already convinced that no high school boys I was meeting were it. I wasn’t considering the option of meeting someone at that time who would fit my lifestyle, even just temporarily; if I had, that would have been the way to manifest love.
The fear of getting hurt is a massive manifestation block. My fear of getting hurt meant that if I created a serious attachment in one place, such as a serious boyfriend, it would impede on my international lifestyle. Fear is a powerful manifestation block and every time I engaged in it, I didn’t engage in self-love. I also knew where the idea of a serious relationship stood in my life, and we can’t engage with a full heart in anything of low priority.
Whenever I did actually want a boyfriend or a fling and didn’t worry about it creating an undesired reality, I was comfortable with it only in the short-term. My classmates were fully open to and comfortable with their caring boyfriends and happy relationships while I always saved the idea of them for later. I always had something “more important” to do. So, how could I have manifested an amazing love story?
I didn’t see a serious, long-term relationship as a part of my identity.
I was saving it for later.
Whatever it is you want, see it as I had my lifestyle, not as I did high school romance.
Whatever you truly want, choose self-love and know that you deserve to have it.Tweet