defensive partner arguing

Running into defensive attitude while trying to talk about any relationship problem can end the conversation without a solution. Worse, it can put the entire flow of events into the hands of your partner, if their defensive response hurts you and prevents you from future attempts to find a solution. Suddenly, you and the entire flow of events are on your partner’s timeline alone, and you’re feeling helpless.

When will the solution come?

Fortunately, you can manifest change. Law of Attraction And you can do so in both thoughts and actions.

If you’re having trouble visualizing your partner’s defences down, use action to manifest a change.


Defensiveness is a wall whose purpose is to keep scary situations at a safe distance. When your partner continues to be defensive about a particular subject, you know they don’t want to deal with a problem upsetting you while allowing them to procrastinate in finding a solution. They know there’s a problem but avoiding it is easier for them, no matter how much more difficult it is for you.

Why is your partner being defensive and perpetuating status quo while you’re vying for change?

  • Your partner knows there’s a problem but avoiding it is easier…yet harder on you. However, your partner is afraid of facing this problem and making a move on a solution. Your partner fears the outcome while your emotional turmoil continues to grow in the absence of a solution. Your partner thinks that waiting to face this problem “at a better time” will make it easier to solve, no matter how much harder this delay is on you. Your partner simply thinks you shouldn’t worry about it so much. But you do, because it hurts.
  • Your partner doesn’t consider something to be a problem, even though it’s upsetting you. This is a sign of disregard for your feelings (or at least minimizing them with “it’s not that big of a deal” rhetoric).
  • Your partner is the person you want to manifest a relationship with, and they won’t let you in. They aren’t saying “yes” or “no” to you but avoiding you or the conversation, even if you have a flirtatious relationship as long as the question of advancing the relationship doesn’t come up. Avoidance and stonewalling are also a form of defensive behavior.

Do you recognize your partner in any of these scenarios?


You’re here because you want to manifest a solution to this painful predicament. You’re probably wondering how you even ended up here.

“How can someone I love allow me to hurt like this? Why is nothing changing while I keep hurting?”

Defensiveness in your partner can truly make you feel hopeless, and it feels like your partner holds all the cards. They put up a wall and refuse to compromise on a solution.

In this case, you will use Law of Attraction in two ways:

  • You’ll affirm that communication flows freely in your relationship, as if it were true already. Always affirm as if you’ve received what you want already. Express gratitude to the Universe and continue to believe that a miracle is happening.
  • You will honestly tell your partner that the current state of a specific relationship issue you’re currently dealing with doesn’t work for you and set boundaries. You will take and give some space. You will stop agreeing to perpetuating a hurtful situation. This will make your partner see that action must be taken and a compromise must be made. By LoA principles, pushing your partner to a solution would cause them to stonewall but setting boundaries of how much is acceptable to you will cause them to find a compromise.


As we said, you’re affirming that your relationship is now filled with genuine, free-flowing communication, and you are grateful for it. You visualize your partner now that it’s all been resolved and love them even more now that they showed you how much they love you by reaching a compromise. You’re happier together than ever.

You aren’t pushing your partner for change – that would make them shut down and refuse to cooperate. You’re simply removing yourself from the current situations that make you unhappy and not engaging in them as they are anymore, because they make you unhappy. You’re setting limits on what you’re accepting, and taking and giving some space. This will show that a situation must be resolved.


It’s okay to tell your partner that you can’t keep engaging as usual while your needs are ignored while they’re comfortable. It’s okay to be less available if a solution isn’t reached or to refuse to wait around for it and make your own plans instead. And it’s okay to refuse a solution that doesn’t work for you at all, even if you’ve been trying to figure it out for days. Agreeing to something you don’t want will put you back to square one.

Remember to always come from a place of love! In order to manifest what you want, you should approach your relationship from a place of love every day. You should approach your partner from the place of love, even when they deeply frustrate you – never allow your frustration to sour into hatred. You can love your partner while setting boundaries with them. Positivity works miracles so remember that you love your partner but can’t continue to accept a hurtful situation operating on a one-sided timeline. This is why you’re setting boundaries while affirming that everything’s been resolved.

When you set boundaries, your partner loses something – they lose a comfortable situation on their end. You aren’t agreeing to it anymore, since it doesn’t work for you at all while working for them. Suddenly, your partner realizes that a situation must be amended for the health and happiness of your relationship and for your love to continue to flourish. It can’t keep going on this way, and change needs to happen. Until now, you were (probably) afraid of losing your partner and agreed to scenarios you didn’t like but now, you trust the Universe and there is no fear of loss. You can fearlessly set boundaries and know that what you want is yours.

How does LoA work when you take action like this?

You have just started seeing this situation differently. You started to see yourself differently. By setting boundaries, you are respecting yourself more. Your partner’s motivation for change will be boosted by your self-respect. Standing up for yourself feels good, and it will make your partner feel even better about you. They will want to find a solution that makes you both happy. Your partner will respect you more for standing up for yourself than they would for you agreeing to something you don’t truly want – and the more your partner respects you, the better your relationship will be. And the more you respect yourself, the more your partner will respect you.

Affirm your self-respect every day. This is your course of action. Affirm that the Universe has manifested your desired change and your relationship now has loving communication through which you and your partner prioritize each other.

You want to give your partner understanding while giving yourself respect. If you aren’t okay with the currently unresolved issues in your relationship, your partner has to meet you halfway – and that’s okay to acknowledge.

You could keep going on as usual, not say anything and only affirm what you want, while being sure that the desired solution is yours. However, only do this if you truly believe that it’s yours already; otherwise, you’ll keep spending days and nights accepting a situation that makes you unhappy, not affirming but hoping for a change, wanting it to come while you continue to be unhappy with status quo. And change can’t come if we dwell on how unhappy we are. Being courageous enough to stand up for yourself and put yourself first can manifest your desire faster.


Once you stand up for yourself, you might not hear from your partner for a day or two – this is a common response from a defensive individual. Your partner might be thrown off and not know what to say.

Stay strong and your partner will reach out, ready to discuss. Let this change of you not just giving in for the sake of the relationship send a message – now, you both have to give a little.

Be grateful to the Universe but love yourself as much as you love your partner. Give yourself the same tolerance, respect and understanding.


Published by Nina Grdic

Life coach, writer, lifelong traveler, music lover and confidence/positivity/Law of Attraction expert.

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