A friend once told me an interesting story. She was visualizing the act of a former flame coming back into her life. She thought about his grand gestures, what he would say, how he’d ask her to come back and how often his phone calls would come.

She imagined the act of reconciliation because it fulfilled her need. She was sure that once the results appeared in her current reality, she would feel better – this need was the driver of her visualizations.

She didn’t manifest the relationship.

Where did she go wrong?

She practiced the opposite of her desire by not visualizing their relationship after they actually reconciled – that’s when a relationship starts. She made a mistake visualizing her relationship status changing instead of having changed already!

Let’s say you want to get back together with your ex. If you visualize your ex coming back into your life asking you to reconcile, you would be visualizing not being with your ex now. In fact, you would be visualizing that you are still apart when thinking about your ex just coming back. In this visualization, the ex is just coming back because you are still not back together. You aren’t starting your visualization from the place of being back together already. Does that make sense?

To start a visualization from the place of being back together already is to be happy visualizing already being in a relationship simply because you love being with your person. To do this is to approach this relationship from a place of love!

And why did she visualize the act instead of the result? Because she was driven by need, not love. She was coming from the place of missing him instead of focusing on how much she loved being with him. There’s a big difference.

It might sound complicated but it isn’t.

need vs. love in visualization and manifestation

When you choose to visualize being in a relationship vs. getting it back, you allow yourself to feel having it already. And when you consistently visualize being in that relationship, you will stop missing it!

Visualizing the act of reconciliation will always leave you starting from the mindset of being single. If you visualize the reconciliation itself, you will remember that you are single every day! You will begin every visualization from the point of view of being single. You will feel single when you should be focusing on feeling like you’re in a relationship already, because that’s what manifests the relationship!

Does visualizing the relationship make you truly happy? Do you care more about being happy or not being lonely anymore?


A relationship should be a love manifestation, not a need manifestation.

Thinking about needing a reconciliation because you miss your ex causes feelings of loneliness. Thinking about how happy you are being in a new relationship with your ex, now your partner, causes feelings of fulfilment and love, and will make you feel like the relationship is yours already.

the takeaway

We must choose to feed our minds (and mindsets) with love. Visualizing the act of manifesting feeds our emotions with need, and need is a manifestation killer.


You may have heard this story from me before; I may have told you about it during our coaching sessions or you may have previously seen it on the blog. Changing your focus can be a short and sweet process, especially when you approach it with committed positivity, and a smooth manifestation can follow.

Make sure you love what you visualize.


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